A Golden Compass: Faith for a Daughter to Make the Right Decisions

Have y'all seen this movie, "The Golden Compass"? We just watched it again as a family the other night. It actually has some pretty well known actors in it, like the James Bond guy, the voice of Gandalf as a polar bear, and Nicole Kidman. Yes, it is a bit hard to concentrate because I spent some time in quandary over her lips and trying to guess her mood based on a mostly expressionless face, but the movie is good. One spoiler: It leaves off with a sequel teaser but, there is never a sequel. It is based on a book so all you hipsters can go out and read it. I'm sure you already have while drinking out of a mason jar wearing a crocheted hat. 

Ok, point.... So each person has a "demon" which is her soul who is in an animal who hangs out with her. It's cute. I'd want mine to be something I'm not allergic to, because I have thought this out. There is this little girl who has a "demon" who won't settle in to just one animal and she is given this golden compass. Now, this sassy little girl has a really conservative "demon", and acts as her voice of reason. She tries to listen to him (yes him), but the sassy usually wins out. She is the only one who knows how to read the golden compass that was given to her. It is coveted since it can tell you the truth to any question one would like to ask. Of course, there is more to the story, like people trying to kill an 11 year old, but for my purposes we will stick with this. Ok, hold this in the back of your mind for a bit.

Natalia is a social girl, but she is totally Jeremy when it comes to social circles. It is an itty, bitty little circle at best. Seriously, she is all about quality, not quantity. While this sounds very Pinterest quotes page, it's not. Not when you are in fourth grade. I even introduced her to a couple of new girls and a tough game of two square at lunch recess to help her branch out. Yes, it was a bit of a helicopter mom moment, but I have my reasons. 

So here is the thing and I have to put this very gently because I adore the parents of Natalia's friends. They are really good people. Natalia has two main friends, and like all children, they have a couple of quirks here and there. It's not that these are earth shattering, but when your daughter will only really hang out with these couple of girls, these quirks become more of a "standard of friendships". Oh please mommies, tell me you understand what I am saying?!

This has lead to some great conversations over some tears. She has had to take some breaks from these friends (her idea). What amazed me was that she came to me with some behaviors or conversations that made her uncomfortable. This is that compass I was telling you about. See, I believe as moms and dads we slowly set up our own golden compass and when the time is right, we pass that on to our children to read on their own. As in, without our coaching or butting into two square games at lunchtime. I have handed off this compass and am just watching to see what she does with it. Okay, how about some examples:

Natalia is what I would consider a mild hoarder. She calls it "collecting", but I

love to throw things away, so I call it hoarding. Her teacher used to ask her to clean out her desk during down time, but it would make such a mess from trying to clean it out that Mrs. M would just find something else for Natalia to do instead. One day I came to school armed with dollar store supplies and we got is straightened out, threw away the rocks and acorns (I'm not kidding) and I thought we were good. Evidently she is not in remission. She had this project she promised to finish and didn't because she lost it in the dark abyss of her desk. Mrs. M was mad, sent Jer and I an email and as consequences, Natalia had to go in early to school and apologize personally to her teacher for breaking her promise and explain how she was going to fix the situation. This was to fine tune the moral compass. It was one of those moments of full ownership and being humble without humiliation. Her teacher is the sweetest person in the world and very unassuming. Now if it had been her first grade teacher, I wouldn't have done this. Her first grade teacher was a bona fide Ms. Viola Swamp.

Next moment to shine was practically an after school special. Natalia was riding home on the bus and her friend (one of the two) was being so mean to another girl on the bus. Natalia was really upset because the little girl was in a grade or so lower than them and had done nothing to provoke the verbal beat down she was getting. Knowing she may lose her friend, Natalia spoke up for the little girl, called her friend out and told her she was being a bully. Ok, so I'm not living on the planet "My Child is Awesome-sauce" thinking that this all went down verbatim of how Natalia told it. She sounded awfully brave and rehearsed a few days later when she told me, but I do know that she spoke up for this girl. She wouldn't make that up. A lot of times I'll call her out on her grandeur recall. This one I let alone. I am so guilty of having futuristic confrontations that play out in dramatic ways in my head all the time when I feel like I have to take care of something or call someone out. I am so not cool or that articulate. It sounds good in front of my mirror while my hair is setting in rollers.

Natalia and I were hanging out in the food court at the mall, eating some Panda (as in Express, not the animal in case you think Boise is uber exotic) and we got on the subject of unruly teenage girls because we heard a girl yelling at her mom in the phone and then call her mom back crying "Why did you hang up on me?!" So once we stopped laughing at this dramatic display I told her that daddy and I trust her because she has never given us reason not to trust her. We believe in her and her ability to either make decisions or come to us for help if she feels overwhelmed or confused. It is hard to discern sometimes if she is listening to me or ignoring me while she is stealing the orange chicken off my plate, but then she looks up at me and says "I love you. You're the best mom ever. Can we go try on makeup at Sephora?" I'm pretty sure that was code for she was totally listening. 

So there is my analogy of the golden compass. That inner voice to guide her along the way. That one that will say "I know he doesn't really want to watch a movie in his bedroom" when she is dating, or the one that says "meth ruins teeth and lives". Sometimes I'm happy that she is a seat belt Nazi, stands up against bullying and is a serious recycler. One day I am going to grow up to be just like her.

Mommy is Breaking Down

I have a confession to make: I haven't blogged in a while because I have been trying to disappear. Ever have those seasons in your life? Things keep going, not necessarily wrong, but definitely not as planned. This year has been God breaking my mold into something different. I think of it like one of my favorite shows "Overhaulin'".  Sometimes the cars looked somewhat fine, but to really make it what it was meant to be, it has to be taken apart, ref-fabricated, and put back together. For those of you who don't know my real purpose of this blog, it is for Natalia so that I can chronicle our life, her life and so that she will know me as a person; not just as a mom. So, boogerface, this was 2013:

On New Years Day I had surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy, tie my tubes and evacuate a belly full of blood. In true clueless Shauna fashion, I thought I had really bad gas from Domino's pizza a couple days before. What was emotionally draining from all this was the finality. A part of me knew that having another child wasn't the best plan for us, but another part of me really wanted another one. I mean, let's face it. I see people popping out kids right and left with no clue what they intended to do with them. I was excited and scared when I saw that positive pregnancy test. What changed me though was finding out that I have horrible endometriosis and the fact that we have one child is a miracle. 

In the mix of all this was a lot of pain and healing. Oh, I had some time to do a lot of thinking. Granted some of it was crazy hormone thinking, but I was still thinking. I realized that I was no longer listening to my inner voice - like the one who says: "Hey, this abdominal pain is pretty severe, maybe we should check this out." I was also going to physical therapy for daily headaches that had been going on for two years. This is when I realized my dream job had become my nightmare. I dreaded going into work, I hated the people I was taking care of and it was no longer fun. Good days were few and far between and when I did talk about work, I was either jaded or in tears. The reason that it took me so long to let go of the ER was because that job is how I defined myself. I was an ER nurse and that was the only thing that really made me proud. I even have a custom license plate that says 1FERN that stands for #1 Freaking ER Nurse. Well, that is the PG version of that ER nurse inside joke. I felt that lots of women were mothers and wives, but not everyone could do what I did. The reality was that I couldn't even do what I did any longer. It was wearing on my soul. So I quit and took a job at an endoscopy clinic doing some of the most non-glamorous nursing work ever. A lot of days my job is kind of mindless. The kicker to all of this is that I am a lot happier now and I have decided that being a nurse is a job, not who I am. It's just something that I do.

Shortly after I started working at the endoscopy clinic it was impressed upon my soul to get baptized... again. Doesn't that sound just so Southern Baptist? "It was impressed upon my soul". It's the truth though. I guess I could say it was like a goat head in my shoe that I couldn't shake. My Boise peeps will understand that a bit better. I won't go into all the details because I already blogged about my baptism, but you can click here if you are interested. I did realize that the god I had believed in didn't exist and I really hadn't lived a life of faith, just of fear. I'll get back to this subject in a few.

This year marked the 15th wedding anniversary for Jeremy and I and this was a super rough time for he and I. He was laid up with a work injury that needed surgery and we could only get along for a couple months at a time. We just were not in sync and could not figure out why. We had a couple heart to heart talks that included talks of separation if he needed it. Neither one of us wanted out, he just was angry and confused. It totally doesn't help that I am a "take it personally" kind of girl. As in, if he is having a poopie day, I think he is mad at me. He has to remind me that he is allowed to have bad days too without it being all about me (but isn't everything in this world all about me? Just kidding). It took Jeremy six months to sort out that it was because he didn't believe in God. Now this was quite a whopper to me since I had just dedicated my life and family to God and faith. This was God letting me know that the relationship between He and I was just that, between He and I and didn't include Jeremy. I was still pissed at God about this. My expectation was since I got baptized, my family would magically follow suit. I'm pretty sure God has a good sense of humor and unending patience. 

Fast forward to summer, I was leaping in the front yard (don't tell me you don't do this from time to time) and injured my knee. Multiple injections and a surgery later, I have been told that I have significant cartilage loss to my knee and am pretty much buying time for a knee replacement. I'm only 37, so I'm a really crappy candidate for a surgery like that simply because they just don't last. This has put some serious limits on everything. I am constantly reminded of this damn knee because it hurts ALL THE TIME. I am now a chronic pain person and that is an embarrassing thing for an ER nurse, former or otherwise. I now know that I am truly mortal. I know what you are saying, "Um, yeah Shauna. You are human." Just you wait until you realize that your body is betraying you with age. It'll piss you off too.

Ok, so this is not a venting pity party; I have a point. I have been living the life of a recluse Shauna because this stuff has got me down in spite of being medicated. Yeah, I'm one of those people too. I am not Pollyanna who will smile at the rain and say that it feels amazing. No. Give me a freaking umbrella, preferably something with a little bit of flair to it. I do, however, realize that this is what I asked for from His Almighty-ness. This was my prayer: "God, make me into the kind of person where people don't even see me anymore, they just see You." Yeah, be careful what you pray for. See all this stuff above? This is God getting me out of the way because I have a lot of garbage that I have encased myself in. I really don't know who I am, but that is okay because I am figuring it out and am meeting really amazing people along the way. I do know that I have a sensitive heart. So does Natalia. The other day she was afraid to talk to her teacher because she might cry. I reminded her that I broke down into tears at work and that it's okay. She did better than I. 

So I haven't blogged because I haven't wanted to be honest. I want to put myself out there to the world as some funny mom who tells anecdotes about her child and sees life in a positive light all the time. I'm just not that girl right now. I'm a "hide under the covers with the mattress heater on and look at the Pinterest humor page" kind of mom right now. That's fine too. God can work with that. I mean, if he can make a guy out of dirt, he can do something with me and my busted knee. I'm mostly put together already, so I'm way ahead. 

I realize I'm not doing Natalia any favors when I try and put off this "everything is always amazing" vibe all the time. What is she going to do when her life isn't amazing? I want her to know that it's okay to be pouty for a season and that family loves and supports you when that happens. Lord knows Jeremy has loved and supported me, just like I loved and supported him when he was going through his hard time this year. I want her to know that daddy and I are human. To a child, that is a hard lesson to learn. I break down, I work through life, I cope, I find a way to cut myself some slack..... sometimes. Sometimes I just go to my room and hide under the covers. Most of the time I go around scrounging up hugs from everyone, including the dog because it feels good. 

Alright, so this is me. I'm broken and when I write that phrase I instantly start crying because it is so hard to admit. The good news, is just like in the show "Overhaulin'", I am going to be one hard core fabulous machine when God gets done with me, it just may take a while. And like the visions of Chip Foose, sometimes I don't always get it, but it comes together in the end and is always worth the work.

Teeth, and Other Ripple Effects

I want to assure you that I had the best of intentions today as I wrote down some notes for this blog. This was all pre-postop appointment for a knee arthroscope I had done a week ago. Now I am nursing a headache along with my sore knee for trying to cheer on my pleasantness with red wine because southern girls do not "drown their sorrows" in alcohol. That would be very poor taste. 

You see, I was pumped up thinking I would be back to work on Wednesday (today is Monday) with the same song and dance as my last knee surgery ".... shredded cartilage.... smoothed out.... no running .... eventual knee replacement." I mean, really, I was just leaping (gracefully) in the front yard on a perfect summer Friday night getting ready to watch Toddlers and Tiaras with Natalia in bed. Nope. Not how it played out. I have sheared off the cartilage in my knee exposing bone, torn my meniscus (now trimmed, thank you Dr. Moore), and there is a good likelihood that I may need a cartilage transplant. I have to admit that the thought of a cadaver donor is sort of cool to me. I just love that kind of stuff. Honey, when I die, cut up the parts people need, burn the rest because I'm done with this busted body. Obviously ain't nobody gonna get cartilage out of me, but my eyes sure are pretty - kind of grey/blue like storm clouds. 

Let's talk about Natalia for a bit. She has been fussing with this loose tooth for about a month. Last night she was not able to go to sleep because it was at the 180 point. You know that gross point when your kid can spin that tooth, but it is still holding on by Lord only knows what small piece of skin. Gack. That will make my skin crawl - not cadaver donation, but loose teeth. Anyway, she gets out of bed (I'm sure it had nothing to do with the box of Mike and Ike's she had at Princesses on Ice that night) and tells me something has to be done. Just for kicks, I talk her into pulling it out. 

Okay, so she is totally squeemish and I didn't really think she would do it. She did it. I'm not sure who was more surprised, her or me. So of course I calmly grab some tissues because she is bleeding now and we just marvel and take instagrams of this tooth. Wanna know the real reason she wanted to pull that thing out? She spent all her money that night at Princesses on Ice. Isn't that sad, but creepily frugal? Oh, man. It gets worse.

She preps me ahead of time that she wants the tooth well within tooth fairy vision so she will essentially get paid for her lost dentition. I'm like "Okay babe. Go to sleep, but you and I both know you don't believe in the tooth fairy because you saw me playing with your teeth with Aunt Pancake. Are you just saying this because you want to make sure you still get money for your teeth?" At least she was honest and nodded. Okay, this is where my downfall began. Its name is Ambien. 

Two nights ago I slept fine, sans Ambien. The night after that I tossed, turned, had a nightmare (like I frequently do - it's a Shauna thing) and at 4am gave in and took one. This night I knew I had to get back on a regular sleeping schedule and get her off to school in the morning. I did what Jeremy has told me countless times not to do - popped an Ambien, warmed up some leftover pad Thai and turned on Housewives of New Jersey Tell All Reunion. 

I wake up the next morning on time and Natalia (who I usually have to come back to wake up after I start the coffee) pops up like a cinnamon pop tart and directly reaches over to the bedside table and declares "My tooth is still here! The tooth fairy NEVER CAME!" Now since you, I and Natalia all know that I am the tooth fairy let's all just clear the air right now. Mommy dropped the ball. Remembering that I am postop knee surgery, I hobble out the door to my purse and find the smallest paper money I can. Nothing smaller than a $10 bill. Ohhhhhhh no. Then I remember that I have a $5 bill in my closet. Okay, before you think we are big baller yuppie parents here just remember this is guilt money. GUILT MONEY. No the tooth fairy does not usually throw down cash like that. Okay, so a $5 bill is on the table, Natalia is still face down crying in the pillow (thank goodness so she didn't see) and I just palmed her tooth. I'm all hugging and soothing when daddy also comes to the rescue to hug and soothe and says "Oh, look Natalia! What's under the pillow?" She looks and there is a freaking $10 bill! I'm assuming this is the one he got from my purse since I cleaned out his wallet of paper money so she could go to the stupid Princesses on Ice - and yes, the first question I asked when she got home is if any of them fell, so there. Then, Natalia promptly looks for her tooth to see if it's gone and sees the $5 and snags that up too. She is grinning ear to ear and Jeremy and I are left staring at her realizing that communication really is key to any marriage for all sorts of reasons.

You would think $15 would have made Natalia on top of the world for losing a bone fragment. No. She was hurt. Hurt as in deep in her heart, make that little dimple under her eye pucker hurt. It took me a moment to stop, breathe and realize why. You see, she had been very fixated on that tooth for almost a month and she is a bit of a collector of oddities. Evidently I am too, since I keep her teeth. That tooth was special and important to her and a big part of her growing up in her mind. Top that off with the bravery it took to pull that out and you have a moment that she wanted recognized by the people she loves the most. I failed to share that special moment with her. I totally missed out. I let her down, disappointed her and made her very angry. 

Even though we were pressed for time, I did the walk of shame to her bedroom to apologize. I told her about my realization and how she has every right to be disappointed and angry with me. I told her to go ahead with those feelings and be mad at me for a while and that while she is being mad, I will love her just the same. I asked her if she needed some time alone in her room and she said she did. Then I had to do another mommy walk of shame and just walk away and let her be mad at me. I love my Grandpa's words of wisdom: "you can't un-ring a bell". I use that phrase all the time, even when I mess up.

This brings me to fear. Ah that small word that can mean so much, especially this time of year. Halloween is just around the corner and I love me some scary movies. We even have our own ghosts (check out this link for the story on that) who visit our house frequently and that doesn't bother me so much. What does bother me is the fear of disappointing my family with not being able to provide because I

can't work right now, disappointing Jeremy because my silliness has caused a series of consequences that effect him, and a fear that we will be back into financial troubles like we were 10 years ago. 

Natalia was afraid that if she showed me that she was disappointed and angry with me that I wouldn't love her anymore. As a child her understanding of love is really limited to what she can understand. She knows that she loves me all the time, but her emotions take control and sometimes she feels empty and turbulent inside. She knows now that sometimes her friends up and decide they don't like her one day and love her again the next day. Sometimes her friends' love is based on whether or not she plays the game right or shares like they think she should. Natalia knows that when she has spouted off to her friends they have turned right around with their toys and gone home. That is a hard lesson to learn. To guard her social life, she softens her responses around them, shares more, becomes more diplomatic and saves her ground standing for a time when she feels like she or someone else is being wronged. Sometimes she will field it off me first. Can you tell I'm totally proud of this stuff? What's even better is she isn't so filtered around Jeremy and I. Yes, it is super annoying right now, especially when she is slightly puberty-licious and her hormones make me want to strangle her ovaries, but I know she sees us as a safe place. He and I are the place to go to where she can be angry and unfiltered and we won't take any love away from her or turn our backs. Now rights to the TV or computer are another thing if she won't get that whining under control, but mostly we just stay and wait for her storm to pass. She is still testing this theory often to make sure that we love her unconditionally as new conditions arise, but I am able to reassure her that she is a keeper, no matter what. 

Alright, so to wrap this up a bit I am going to use a quote from my now favorite book The Shack written by WM Paul Young "Mack, if anything matters

then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same again." p. 285

That's right moms. It's a little overwhelming when we think of it that every tooth matters. Every hug. Every violin practice at home when we listen to our little boogerfaces do one more run of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. This is what life is made of, though. My sweet friend Shannon and I were talking one day and agree that it is these little moments they will remember. Besides, evidently it is a lot cheaper at my house to be mindful than to pay out guilt money in the morning. 

Christian Wife; Atheist Husband

I've had some great mommy/daughter ideas to write about for some upbeat blog-age, but they have been shadowed by some other "life" things going on. That is just the way it goes sometimes. One sucker punch to the gut was the loss of my dear friend's son who took his own life. He was in high school, not a trouble emo kind of kid. Like, the last kid you would expect to do this if you didn't really know him and his family. That is what is so frightening. His mom and I had some talks about how helpless she had felt because even though she was doing all the right things, he was still lost. Lost in his head, trapped by his own demons, powerless against his own despair. 

As parents we fight tooth and nail to protect our children against all sorts of tragedies like falling off of bicycles, bullies, using an obscene amount of hand sanitizer to ward of avian flu, kidnapping talks, crosswalk talks, make sure their shoes fit right and absolutely make sure they have pooped at least every other day. What do you do when the bully is inside their own head? Every once in a while Natalia will be over tired and extra hard on herself for something dumb she did and she'll say "I hate myself!" Well, the word "hate" is like any other four letter word in our house and that talk has no place in her world. I tell her that those words hold a lot of power and that it may seem like a flippant remark now, but that inner voice is listening. I think we all need to be a bit more mindful of our inner voice and the things we say to ourselves throughout the day. 

The other super whammy this week has to do with my marriage. Sounds very

juicy, doesn't it?! I don't mind telling people that Jeremy and I have been struggling for around six months or more now. Now, my version of struggling does not mean that we are at the point of apathy. It means that we have not been at our normal connected-ness. It all kind of came to a head this week when Jeremy confessed that he decided he does not believe in God. As a lot of you know, I was recently baptized and God is a huge deal in my life. As you can imagine, it was really difficult for Jeremy to tell me this. He was afraid this would be a deal breaker for our marriage and that I would be disappointed in him.

I cried. I cried so much that I had to leave work. We have little "chores" at work that we do throughout the day between patient care to keep things going and I couldn't even get through cutting Coban without sobbing. It was so embarrassing. I lasted an hour and a half before I went home, got back into bed and cried and slept, cried and slept. I still have a migraine that I have been trying to beat back.

So I talked to my "life coach" Amy who has talked me through multiple tears before. I remembered that Jeremy's relationship with God is between them, as is my relationship with God is between He and I. I am more sad that my dream of having a solid Christian family is at an end. Jeremy will never be the spiritual leader of my family and it is up to me to guide Natalia. It's just hard because I have to do it alone. It feels really lonely and totally scary. I seem to have these "dreams" for my life and I get really heartbroken when they don't go my way. I literally have to grieve over them when they don't work out. Case in point: My relationship (or lack thereof) with my mom, only having one child even after we moved here, leaving the ER and now the "I don't believe in God" husband. He said he doesn't want to be called an atheist. He said it is too soon to joke, so we won't call him the Anti-Christ either, but I thought that would be funny. Just not yet, okay. I'll let you guys know when.

In the spirit of being honest, this is what I have concluded. I was waiting on Jeremy still. I like the Pursuit, but I never really felt like I wanted to get involved. I'm going to find another church where Natalia has some friends at Sunday school so she will not give me a hard time. Since Jeremy probably isn't going to go very often anyway, I should go wherever I want. It's kind of freeing. 

Jeremy is actually more up front with me now about the God thing and he is supportive of my beliefs. Nothing drives me crazy like atheists who treat Christians like petulant children. Jeremy is also supportive of me bringing Natalia up in my faith and me being all "Yay Jesus!", like I normally am. We still pray before dinner and I am still going to craft up some scripture quotes for the walls. Well, actually one is a quote from a Pink song, but it does say "God is a DJ" which sounds pretty biblical to me.

The last positive but scary thing for me about all this is what if when Natalia

is older she decides she does not believe in God AT ALL. It stabs fear in my heart. I know that sounds all Shauna dramatic, but it is true. I can't imagine living without my faith in God and I totally cannot understand where Jeremy is coming from. I mean, I am kind of looking at him like he just sprouted a third eye because to me it is real as all get out. I have been at a person's side when their soul has left their body and I can feel the whole room change when it leaves. It is ridiculous to say that there is nothing going on past this life. I've seen ghosts on multiple occasions in hotels, in my house and so has Natalia and my mom. I realize I'm nutty, but I'm not schizophrenic and these things are as real as my morning coffee. Unfortunately, I can't give that intuition to Jeremy. That inner sense of "knowing" to him. Okay, the positive part: At least Natalia will have a parent to empathize with her if she decides that there is no God. It seems like a lonely way to go, but at least she will have daddy there with her to hold her hand and let her know he has been there too. I don't think he wants that for her. I've seen him struggle through this. When it all comes down to it, this is a choice that has to be made on their own.

So here I am, all poopie pants about the whole thing. A little annoyed with God because there is all that crap about "faith the size of a mustard seed" and frankly I do not like it when things don't go my way. Maybe I am a little petulant child that the atheist think we are. The blessing and curse is that I have child-like faith in an adult world. It gets disappointing, but I always hope, and why not? Giving up doesn't get me any closer than hoping would anyway. I don't mind being transparent in saying I am jealous of all you women who married Christian men, with cookie cutter Christian families. How could a child at 17 know twenty years later that it would never evolve? 

That being said, I wouldn't give Jeremy up for the world. I'll walk in my faith, just God and I (like it should be anyway) and have my best friend at my side who totally doesn't get it, but loves me enough to cheer me on. That is what love is all about anyway. He doesn't think I'm silly for my faith, and I'm not angry or judgmental for his lack thereof. We'll do a little marriage counseling, a lot of hugging and more late night talks while I sit on his lap crying. We'll have more family meetings with Natalia who knows this whole story already because it's easier on all of us if there isn't tension in the house. Most importantly, we'll make it through all this, grow old together and be glad we loved each other enough to cheer one another on even though we totally didn't get it.  

Pinterest Moms Do Not Really Exist 'Round Here

I am old enough now to have idly watched a few motherhood trends in my lifetime. When I was around 14, the trend was working mothers and latch-key kids. Remember that term? It was almost a profanity at the time. Like "Oh, Sarah is a latch-key kid", followed by a slightly judgmental look toward the parents or parent. This evolved into parents who both worked as a norm and the dreaded "daycare children". The phrases that spewed out of this conversation typically were, "It's not daycare, it's an 'Early Learning' facility"; followed by the opposing team of mothers who say "I stay at home so I can raise my own children." Now we have a new fad of Pinterest moms.

I'm going to tell you where I have fallen on the spectrum of all this competitive mothering: Everywhere. I was a "latch-key kid" who also watched my 2 year old sister while my mom worked starting at age 10. I have had Natalia in daycare since she was 4 months old at one of these "Early Learning

Not really much of a babysitter,
but cute - until he eats poop

Centers" because Jeremy and I both work full time, sometimes Natalia will stay home by herself for a couple hours (with the dog like Katie Nanna in Peter Pan) and I am a huge Pinterest fan. So there. Look at me all askew you stay at home moms who raise your own children that don't have to lock themselves inside the house with the dog. Here's another tip for you: I notoriously get NOTHING done on my days off too. Nothing except cruising Pinterest, that is.

So I was reading an article in Marie Claire while sitting on the toilet the other day (it's the only time I get to read the magazines and I'm a fast reader), when the topic was this new flavor of mom - The Pinterest Mom. Here is my synapses along with the magazine's of her typical day:

She wakes up before her children to get in a workout, blog a bit (they are all bloggers) to bring in an extra 3 G's, drink a cup of green tea since coffee is so passe, then shower, put on natural looking makeup by contouring and highlighting, all topped off with a sock bun. At 8:30 the children are awakened to a paleo breakfast (which they LOVE), dress in homemade outfits of ruffles and chevron, then she will home school them at two grade levels above the standard while incorporating Jesus and morals. When the kids start to fight over who is the kindest sibling, she promptly stuffs both of them in an over-sized t-shirt to "hug it out" as they stare at a bottle of glitter until they are calm again. 

Nope! Didn't feed the dog, have no idea who is picking up
the child and the calendar is totally blank. Another
Pinterest craft that wasted 3 hours of my day.

The afternoon of Pinterest mom is full of learning interactive field trips to local areas, a quick game of kick ball organized by her and the other Pinterest moms, then it is on to the children's extracurricular activities: Cello, soccer, and Spanish lesson - which the kids again LOVE and never say "I can't go because I have diarrhea and need a nap". It's hard to argue with a tired kid who has diarrhea on the way to tutoring, but I'm sure Pinterest Mom's children have exceptional bowel habits too.

Pinterest mom rounds out the evening with a crock pot meal that she had the

forethought to make during homeschooling, quality time with her husband where they write little dry erase notes to each other on a crafted picture frame followed by an impromptu game of Nerf-gun, sexy hide-and-seek around the house because the children are bathed, dried, coiffed and in bed all at the same time in under 20 minutes right after dinner and chores. Oh yeah, I forgot about the kiddos legibly filling out their age-appropriate chore chart. 

Whew. She is one amazing lady and according to the blog-sphere, there are a lot of these super Pinterest moms out there. You know what I say? Bullsh!t.  I mean, I could get on this blog and tell you all about how I cook a crock pot meal, have Natalia do chores AND get some sexy time in with my husband. Yeah, that happens, but it is not all on the same day. We still have a front office room that is half gray, half yellow-beige because we just haven't got around to painting it over the past year. 

Forget stripes! This is the new trend.

I didn't even take off yesterday's
makeup.

My house is usually a partial mess and the garage is an explosion of shoes, paper towels and saw dust from last month's project. The walls of the garage are also decorated with dead smooshed spiders that no one wants to touch. I don't know, maybe this is like a Godfather way of sending a message to the other spiders. Like "Don't mess with us, or we will kill your family." I didn't use the crock pot last night because it is still "soaking" from my crock pot meal a day and a half ago. On the other hand, Natalia and I did finally catch up on the Bachelorette all the way to the "After the Rose" episode. Natalia will do some chores today and the Roomba will vacuum my floors for me while I scour through that crock pot mess. That is, unless we

Our "something better to do"
on Friday. We also managed
to blow our budget at the same
time. Score!

find something more fun to do that probably involves ZERO learning.

A lot of the times I forget to pay Natalia's allowance, I forget to work out and I never get to bed on time. I only wash my hair a few times a week since it takes 20 minutes to dry and style and is super boring. I could tell you it is because I am trying to make my hair healthy by not over styling it, but that would be a lie. I'm lazy to the core. I'm also tired all the time and uninspired to do very much at home. Except Pinterest to look at homes and mom-blogs of women who, evidently, have it together. 

So here I am, a working mom with a messy house, undone laundry, a dog who eats poop and jumps out of the Jeep and into Natalia's summer tutoring class

at Huntington to the delight of the kids, and a husband who is grumpy because our schedules are totally opposite right now. I have terrible arthritic knees and severe endometriosis which makes me feel like I need a marathon sleep of 14 hours. Yeah I blog, but I dare you to count all the run on sentences here along with poor punctuation.  You can't count it, but I don't want to hear about it.

Okay, so this is a bit of a rant, but I doubt these Pinterest moms really exist. I'm thinking a compilation would amount to this whole package, but this is an unrealistic goal for all of us. I think the intent was good, but this has evolved to a "pasted on lip gloss smile" competitive-mommy showdown of perfection and guilt wrapped up in witty and humorous comments. Things like "my weakness in life is baking too many goodies that always turn out picture worthy" (smile, winky-face). Let's just stop this already! We don't have to be perfect. Isn't that what we tell our kids? This hodge-podge of kindness and insanity is what makes them "perfect" in our eyes. Most of the time my goal as a mother is just to prepare Natalia to move out, not annoy people, keep a job and pray. That's it! That's all I got. 

I love how pretty Pinterest is and how you can go from "six pack abs girl" to recipe for puppy chow in seconds. I love the ideas because I am an idea girl. I am just not a follow through girl. That being said, feel free to check out my boards on Pinterest. They are this "pie in the sky" version of what I would like to be someday when I grow up. Just don't expect any of that perfection here. I'm too busy eating pie crust, not working out and writing on this blog that makes no money while Natalia watches TV next to me.

The Black Claw

My close friends know that Jeremy and I have a little conspiracy theorist on our hands. I find it my job as a mom to pass these on to you, because hey, you never know. You just never know. I mean, maybe there is a Green Granny Smith Spider that is taking small children down on the playground (you can read more about it in the link provided). Maybe there is a species of triangle people out planting triangles around town and implanting into our children all "Village of the Damned"- like. That being said, I must warn you about the latest threat to our children and community: The Black Claw!

Many of you either have children that attend the daycare at Wings or take your kids to Planet Kid on days when they need to blow off steam when the outdoors just isn't going to work. Let's be realistic. Days when the temp is 110 will cause them to drink more water than you could possible pack AND cause a possible stroke all around; and anytime it is below 40 means complaining all around. The point of getting them out is to get some time when for 15 minutes they don't talk to you. That's right, keeping it real.

So on those days when "inclimate" weather persists, there are options like Planet Kid where the kids can climb rope ladders, crawl through tubes,and pelt each other with plastic balls in the ball pit until someone gets hit in the eye and cries. This maze of wonder includes a tube that is around 2 stories up in the air where not only is there fun, but there is danger. This is where The Black Claw manifests itself. I will retell the story as best I can.

Long ago there was a child who met an untimely demise while climbing through the tubes. Not only did he perish, but his hand was severed from his body AND NEVER FOUND! This, evidently, is common knowledge among the older children of Planet Kid. One day quite recently, Natalia was playing (and talking) in the tubes when all of a sudden and without warning a child was grabbed by the ankle and pulled backwards into another section of the tubing. Thank the heavens this child was able to escape back to safety, but this is when Natalia was warned about the dangers of the tubes. You see, the hand was never found and in its purgatory it will sometimes grab your babies and drag them to.... well, she didn't really tell me where The Black Claw was going to take them, but it does sound very unpleasant. 

I tell you this as a sage warning so you can be an informed parent. No, we did not snatch her out of Wings and contact the Better Business Bureau, but I do kiss her more soundly before each Wings day. May God find this lone Black Claw and bury it into sacred ground where it can rest in peace forever. Consider yourself warned. 

Making Time for Daughters

I don't even have a witty title for this one. This is going to be a stretch right now since Natalia is currently unloading the dishwasher (between fits of tears) because her attitude needs to be adjusted and manual labor is as good as anything else I could think of at the time. That, and let's be honest, I just hate unloading the dishwasher. I mean, seriously folks: It's one of many perks having children. Labor sharing.

Last week during bedtime Natalia disclosed to me that she feels like she and I "never" have time together. In my mommy mind I'm like "We spend tons of time together at home, getting things done and our weekly fun outing." After I got out of my own head I decided that what she really needed was some one on one time. Even though the house needed to be vacuumed, the laundry needed to be done and I needed my own quiet time; I decided that I would take a day for a mommy daughter date day. I'm so glad I did.

On a sobering note, our first stop of the day was to St. Lukes PICU to drop off some food to the family of Ally (Aly) Defur. Aly was a gorgeous 4 year old who was pinned in an auto accident and sadly, her little brain did not recover. The day we dropped off food was the day her family did one of the most difficult and noble things a parent could ever do: They decided to take her off life support and allow her to be an organ donor. I don't think most people really understand organ donation. It's not just a liver or a lung. It's connective tissue to repair worn out bodies in pain, eyes to help someone else see when you no longer need them, kidneys to gift years onto someone else's life, and a heart to a child who's parents were daily wrestling with the thought that this day may be their own child's last. It's such a great gift, and a hard decision to make. Aly's mom blogged while these events unfolded, hoping for a miracle, but seeing God's grace through it all. I highly recommend you check out her blog for Ally Defur. It definitely changed my perspective on priorities. 

After our meal drop off, we were on for our mommy/daughter date. First stop, Chik fil A of course. This was Natalia's pick and she even shared her waffle fries with me. Of course, a Chik fil A trip is not complete until we take a selfie and send it to Jeremy to make him jealous. After that we headed over to the Boise Art Museum with our sketch pads to sit on the floor together and draw, talk about perspective in art and laugh at all the boobies there are in the museum. There are a lot and boobies are funny.

We finished off our date with a little paddle boating. Now

those of you not from Boise are missing out. These cute little boats are really fun and make for some good conversations. I remember doing these when I was a kid, but usually I was stuck with my brother and we just fought the whole time.

Now the activities were fun, but the conversations were better. At Chik fil A I let it slide that I have Natalia's teeth in my top drawer. A post on facebook let me know that a lot of mothers keep their child dentition indefinitely. I also realized that I have a hoarding problem when it comes to teeth since I also have 2 of my own baby teeth in the drawer as well. She didn't miss a beat and asked "Why do you have my teeth if the Tooth Fairy takes them?" Busted. She actually let me stutter along for a good 2 minutes of explanation before she lets me know that she is well aware who takes her teeth. She's good. She's really good. We laughed so hard that people were staring. Then we walked out like a couple of divas with our matching over sized sunglasses. 

The paddle boats had the best conversations though. I just threw it out there that Vampires were Zombies with better skin. Both are undead cannibals. My little conspiracy theorist pondered that over and totally agreed with me. She then broke it to me that she wasn't really my child after all. You see, she is part of the triangle people and Jeremy and I are just her earthly parents. I tried to tell her that Jeremy and I were secretly triangle people, but she wasn't buying it. Then the conversation abruptly changed when we saw a dead goose floating next to us. Girly screaming ensued from both of us. Speaking of geese - those suckers are aggressive! We spent a lot of the time paddling hard core to get away from them once our left over waffle fry stash was spent. They love waffle fries, but then again who doesn't.

That night Natalia let me know it was the best day ever. I couldn't help but

think back to Aly and her own mother. Would I be grateful for the time we shared, or would something like that make me bitter? Could I find God's grace or would I blame Him for "robbing" me of my dreams? I don't know and I hope I am never held to that test. What I do know is that laundry is forever, but nine only last one year. What is Natalia going to remember more? A OCD clean organized house, or lunch with mom followed by sketches and paddle boats? From all the clutter that lies in the wake of Natalia, I'm thinking she doesn't really give a fig about the house. I know that she adores me even on nights when she has to unload the dishwasher. She has already stopped crying, moved onto Barbies in the playroom, but not before she flipped over the back of the couch to give me a kiss and tell me she loves me.  

Let's Hear it for The Mothers Who Give Up

These have already died

There are a few things that I just surrender to: I give in to the fact that when I plant something in my yard, there is a 50/50 chance on its survival; I surrender to the fact my dog will always eat poop, dirt, rocks and on occasion a car bumper (true story); I give it all up that I am raising Natalia without a manual and by the seat of my all loving pants paired with fancy heels for that pop of color every outfit needs.

Now, this doesn't mean that I idly sit by looking at certain aspects of life like those Willy Wonka pictures on Pinterest. No, I read the instructions before I plant the food/flowers; I follow my dog around outside with a can of pressurized dusting spray to scare him out of his pica habit; and I hit up my fellow mommy divas for advice on Natalia stuff, read a couple of books and sometimes just ask Natalia "Um, what am I supposed to do about this. Is this something I should worry about?" She usually tells me "No" which snaps me out of my mamma drama and back to reality where I think much more clearly. I mean, the girl kept telling me she "has no friends", crying, but every time I see her at a social event she is the center of some girly gaggle. She finally moved on to complaining about another drama. Oh, I did ask her teacher just to make sure this wasn't some Degrassi Junior High after school special thing. Her teacher and I agree. Natalia is fine and needs a nap.

So what is all this giving up talk about? Well, some of you know from my facebook that I am getting baptized on Sunday the 30th. The topic of baptism is kind of funny to me because there is such a broad spectrum of beliefs about it. Since this is my blog, I'm going to tell you how I came to where I am (succinctly I promise) and then yes, it will be about mommy-ness too.

So I was baptized when I was 7, not that my church had an age thing, like "Let's baptize our children around this time when they understand". No, it was my own choice, but it was made out of fear. Ok mommies, think about your child when he/she is 7. They NEVER want to be apart from you and if your child is like mine, she even made plans to find a fantastic husband (that daddy and I approve of) and move in to our house because she never wants to leave home. Home is that place that fills up that soul spot between your heart, liver and spleen and you just love even the thought of home so much. At 7 you can't imagine anything else taking that spot. Now when I was 7 I finally grasped that God was great, Satan was "bad", baptized people when to heaven and if you missed that bath, well you went to hell away from your family and God. In my 7 year old mind, if I died the next day (or in my sleep as I was worried about) I would have missed my chance and would be away from my family forever, stuck in hell with some monster. I told my mom that I HAD to get baptized that night. The water in the church baptistery couldn't even wait to be warmed I was so afraid and convicted at the same time. It was cold and gross. Now I see that even though God loves me, He had to be laughing. I mean, if Natalia told me that story, I would have been cracking up and blogging all about it - after I told her that is not how it goes AT ALL. 

Okay, so here I am one year ago at the fabulous age of 35, and one of my BFF's gets up from church and walks through a faux door on stage symbolizing that she was ready to take that next step in her life. I totally didn't get it at the time, but it brought me to tears (because I love her so much) and also made me SO uncomfortable. I was like, well I'm already baptized, so I'm cool, I just need to work harder and get involved. Maybe I'll read my bible in a year or something. I kept asking God "Please take my family" in the sense of "take care of them" so I would take that burden off of me - the control freak. I know this will shock all of you, but I actually make a terrible god. I just have too much in my mind to do everything that is required and frankly - ain't nobody got time for that.

Okay, we are back to the future and the other Sunday they made this benign announcement of baptisms on the Sunday coming up. Well it was like they just announced a pop quiz in high school. That sinking, excited feeling of "yeah, I think I'm ready; am I ready?" So on the way home that night I told Jeremy my decision and of course my BFF.

So what does this mean? I mean, y'all can be like: "Oh, congratulations Shauna" and secretly wondering if I am going to come knocking on your door now asking if you are aware Jesus is your personal Savior. Um, no. I only answer the door to strangers dropping off my latest Amazon purchase and girl scouts selling cookies. It a good rule to follow. In all cases, just teach your dog to bark while looking out the side door window at them. No, it means I am no longer going to try and clean up the mess I have made. I am not going to try and be perfect or go down some laundry list of to-do's to try and earn my way to a good relationship with God. My real friends know I am a mess, love me when I am off the chain and have to apologize and sorry girls, but God is way bigger than that. 

So after this baptism I will still cuss (although it was my New Years resolution to quit), I will still get mad at slow drivers on the road, I will still be a dramatic mess constantly trying to orchestrate my universe from time to time. I'm totally a work in progress. The point is, I'm His work in progress, not mine. I'm not supposed to be anything because I'm just supposed to let God do things in and around my life while I watch the beauty of it all. How easy is that! No wonder all these Jesus people are all excited when they get this! As Jillian Michaels says in her Ripped in 30 workout, week one "Look up and just give it to God". Now at the time you are about to poop your pants with this ab hold thing, but you get the point. 

Ok, motherhood: What if I show Natalia that having a relationship with God is an inward struggle and that is okay? Mind blown. What if I show her that I finally surrender all my craziness to Him and just enjoy the life that is gifted all around me. No, I am not high right now, it's true. She is such a little type-A just like me, but what I am about to start living (and am living now because come on, it's just water) is that you don't have to have it all figured out to hang out with perfection. My girlfriend last night poignantly said it when she stated "We see each others faults and mistakes, God just sees us". Amazing. Just me, just like I am. I don't have to get Him to accept my mistakes because He doesn't even see them. That is a gift to pass on to Natalia.

So when my girlfriend and I sat to have this talk last night over burrito salads (It's Cafe Rio so you guys know what I'm talking about), Natalia went with us. Even though she was picking at my food after destroying her own and playing a game on my phone, I know she was listening. Sometimes as moms we are just living examples to very astute eyes. They watch how we handle life and mimic just that. I'm not surprised that when Natalia gets frustrated she lets out this animalistic growl through clenched teeth. That's what I do. The initial reason was to keep me from yelling out a profanity so in the scheme of things I am trending in the right direction. Needless to say, she is still watching. 

I want her to make her own decision about this. I told God that I am giving up my family to Him and that means I am giving up her relationship with Him for the two of them to work out. That means Jeremy too. It's time for me to frankly butt out and do my own thing, spend a little time with just God and I and stop trying to orchestrate my universe. She may find Him in her 20's, or she may take the long road. What I want her to find in it is a relationship of faith, not fear. I spent most of my life as a baby Christian in the fear of God lying to myself that this was all there was. Poof, I got it, I was wrong and this is much easier. 

So, after I made this decision I finished the book "The Shack" by WM Paul Young that my baby sister recommended to me. Oh, it was soooo good. It all made total sense to me. It could be fact, it could be fiction and that is my favorite kind of story. A real mystery -just like life. All this being said: Here is to giving in and soaking it up. I'm glad I finally made it here because it took a while. ©

Sensible Beauty in the Motherhood

I admit it. I care what I look like almost all of the time - except when getting Natalia to the bus stop and there, I am pretty shameless. But for the most part, I try and look at least presentable in a sort of fabulous kind of way. I remember when I got pregnant I had this Scarlet O'Hara moment of declaration: "As God is my witness, I will never be frumpy again!", and I made it a point to look cute while I was pregnant. Not so much the first month after she was born, but they travel lighter when they are in utero. Here I am the mother of an eight (soon to be nine) year old, working full time, pimping out Girl Scout cookies and still trying to be a shadow of that fabulous presentability. It gets harder, not easier mommies, just so you know.

My girlfriend Kay suggested that I share some of my beauty tips, cheats, and not so secrets and I thought it would make for a fun blog. Here it is:

Hair

One of the best tips I got from a magazine is if you are in a rush, just fix the front of your hair around your face. Now I'm not talking leave that bed-head rats-nest in the back. Girl, brush that out. But do take what little time you have to fix your bangs or hair by your face. Another great shortcut tool is velcro rollers. Dry your hair and while it is still warm, roll it up in some of these. It saves your hair a beating from hot tools and adds volume. Those of you who know me know how I feel about big hair. The bigger, the better. While we are on the subject of damage control: Girls, stop washing your hair every day. "Gross, I work out every day (really?! I'm going to inspect your mom card) and I have greasy hair." To that end, let me introduce you to dry shampoo. Just don't spray it on the top. Lift up the crown section, spray LIGHTLY, and shake it through with your finger tips. No damage, it smells good, grease absorbed, voila. Make that blow out last you a couple of days. I wash my hair maybe 3 times a week and no one has commented or been offended. My stylist did, however, mention that my hair seemed less damaged between cuts. 

Ah, the haircuts. NEVER spend more than $40 on a cut. If you are, you are being ripped off and need to network with your girlfriends a bit more to find out where to go. Color is a different matter, that gets pricey I know, so don't be spendin' your hard earned cash on the cutting of dead hair. I overheard someone saying she pays $90 for a cut. A cut! It was not uber chic and my girl Desirea can do a better job for a better deal. I can give you her number. Use your money on worthwhile products like Moroccan hair oil. Oh, but look for it at Ross/TJ Maxx before you pay full price. We are being sensible, remember?






Makeup

This should be a rule listed on the box: If you are over 33 years of age, you can no longer wear Bare Minerals. Why? It totally settles into lines and makes you look older. I know, I know. I am totally guilty right now because I have some left over from when I was in love with how easy it was to brush on, but please, trust me on this. Find something that doesn't pill up when you blend it and apply with a makeup brush. Yes, there is a specific brush for that. Just goop a pea sized amount on the back of your hand and apply it only where you need it. Let some of your natural skin peek through. It looks better than that cake-like made up face. 


Ask yourself "Do I have the tools necessary to do my job". It's my favorite question on our yearly work survey because in the ER we break all of our toys within a week of getting them, so they are rarely replaced. My answer at work is always a resounding "No!". With my makeup, however, this girl has the basics to get it done. I bought my brushes for $12 at Walgreens. This way when they are all gooped up (who has time to wash them weekly?) I will just toss them and not feel guilty. I am on the same brush set for 2 years and occasionally wash them. My girlfriend Amy had me show her how to play with some eye shadow and I was mortified she didn't have brushes. She was making make up application WAY more tedious than it should be. Get some brushes and play, play, play until you are comfortable. I recommend using your child as a model for this, unless it is an infant. That would be weird. If you do, please send me a picture because that would also be very funny.

So what about when I am running out the door to pick up Natalia? Here are

my options: look like a washed out terminally ill, possibly alien mom; or dab on some lip stain (love Revlon's Just Bitten in Honey), pinch my cheeks for some color and curl my eyelashes followed by a swipe of mascara. Girl, a little effort is better than that alien mom look. I'm not saying go full glam all the time, but as sure as cheap wine gives me a headache, I will run into someone I know every time I venture out looking like a hag. 



Nails

Have you heard about nail stickers?! Busy moms know we ain't got no time for wet nails. Now there are two big contenders out there for these fabulous inventions: Jamberry nails sold in the Scentsy sort of fashion and require a hair dryer to set; or my personal favorite Sally Hansen - no dryer needed. Now the secret to these is the prep. If you follow the directions they will last you about 10 days. Now I admit I am too cheap to splurge on professional or at home gel nails kits. Y'all will have to remind me how fabulous they are and someday I'll ask for it for Christmas or something.

Skin Care

While I am cheap on somethings, other things I believe are worth the cost. Botox is one of them. Why? Because it is instant gratification and makes wrinkles DISAPPEAR! There is always a catch, or if you are a fan of "Once Upon A Time", a price with magic. You have to be cool with needle sticks to the face (it's not bad and I am a wimp), you have to start early before the wrinkles have time to really set and you have to get it redone every 4-6 months. I'm not kidding when I say I "Dave Ramsey" budgeted this into our life. To offset this cost, I go el cheapo on my other skin care stuff. That being said, look up info on coconut oil. That is the moisturizer of choice for both Jeremy and I. I know it sounds like a greasy mess, but it is actually a solid that absorbs so quickly. Now, my southern girls who have moisture in their habitat may not reap as many of the benefits as us arid climate girls. It is $10 for a jar at Wal-Mart and as long as you keep it out of the light when stored, it will last for months. 

Since I am blessed with both wrinkles and acne I have learned a couple of pimple tricks along the way. Afrin-like nasal spray or Visine will take the redness and some of the swelling out of a blemish within about an hour. Also, I am a die hard Neutrogena fan when my skin is acting up. Their "calming" line doesn't do a lot for my nerves, but it does help the pimples heal within a couple days. Short of getting cortisone injections into those, that's really the best you're going to do. Hours to erupt, days to go away. Cruel, but something we must live with. 

Fashion

Check out these cartwheel skills!

I am guilty of many crimes of fashion (ie jammy pants at the bus stop. Yes, I am THAT mom). I will say this, black yoga pants go a long way. I saw something on Pinterest that said "Yoga pants: Maybe I just worked out, maybe I just took a nap." Usually it's because I have just taken a nap (yay for school age kids) or I have convinced myself that wearing the yoga pants alone will inspire me to work out at 10:30 pm that night after a bowl of cereal and a glass of wine. Either way, it is a more fabulous alternative to jammie pants or sweats. While we are talking sweats: Thank goodness the trend of slogan writing across the bedonkadonk is over. The word "juicy" has lost all glamour and appeal. Our children will look back on those ads and laugh, as they should. 

So there you go. These are my tricks, credos and short cuts. Some of you may start talking about inner beauty, the importance of brains and other such traits to which I give you this: You don't see brains across a room or as a first impression, but beauty will only give you 5 minutes. After that you better have some brains to back up that fabulosity or you are going to be irrelevant, no matter how pretty you are. Just ask Megan Fox. That being said, there is no reason why we can't put forth a little effort. I know my husband appreciates it as much as I appreciate his man-scaping and smelling good. Like I respect my car by keeping it clean and polished, I respect myself by looking as polished as a trip to Wal-mart or a 12 hour shift will allow. You'll stand a little taller and smile a little brighter while you rock your dry shampoo'd, sock bun, lip stained, yoga pants self.