When you work with as many women as I do, there are always at least a few who are pregnant. Since I totally love being a mom, I get excited when I hear that someone is going to be a parent for the first time. Truth be told, I am always more excited when I hear they are having a girl because I am partial to that gender. I realize that I was one Y chromosome away from a life without hair tinsel, glitter, princesses, and bedazzlement. On that note, I thought I would pass along some advice and tricks of the trade that I have learned so far to my mommies to be who read this blog.
First of all, you cannot spoil an infant. You cannot hold them too much, love them too much, spoil them or make them too happy. Normal human sleep is something that usually has to be taught, retaught, then retaught again. I am a huge fan of Ferber and I have had to re-Ferber Natalia a few times. Her narcoleptic cue is Bach's Suite 3 Air. I have been playing this song on repeat for her every night since she was four days old. I fell in love with this song when I heard it while watching the movie Seven. Kind of a creepy place to find your baby lullaby, but this has been a very effective cue for her bedtime.
Speaking of routines, children need routines. Seriously, it upsets their apple carts if they don't have a predictable routine to follow and nap times are sacred. You will revolve your entire life around the feeding and circadian rhythm of your child when they are young. Just watch the first time you travel or do something fun where you alter your little angel's schedule. It's almost comical how much it messes with their little world. Don't fret too much. They get over it.
Children are so much cuter when they don't smell and are clean. I had a mother as a patient the other day and her baby (who couldn't walk yet) had the filthiest feet I had ever seen on a baby and smelled like spoiled milk. I quickly offered to watch the smelly cherub while she went to xray and immediately scrubbed the little one before mom got back. I get that babies don't like to be cold when they bathe, so my mommy trick for this is to warm the bathroom up first before you wash her. I used to run the shower on hot to steam up the bathroom when Natalia would bathe in the counter top baby tub. As for those toenails, good luck. They are still a source of tears in Lacowland.
Babies and toddlers are disgusting. They drool, poop and spill food everywhere. They put everything in their mouths and never take the initiative to wash their hands. Because of this, they get sick a lot - which means you will get sick a lot too. When Natalia was small and congested I would strap her into her vibrating bouncy chair with a fresh set of batteries so we could all sleep. I almost bought an otoscope because I thought I was paranoid about all of her ear infections, but then we just got tubes put in her ears and they were magical. I highly recommend them. I'm old school and medicate my kid for congestion, pain, insomnia and allergies. I know the trend is to not use medication anymore, but I'm not a very progressive person anyway. So, do what makes you feel like a good mother because being a mother means you feel guilty for at least 60% of your day. I'm feeling guilty right now because Natalia is happily playing Barbies and I am "ignoring" her writing this blog.
As your child gets older there will be heavier stuff to worry about. One of the biggies is making sure you behave in front of your child. I DO NOT think it is cute to hear a kiddo drop the F-bomb - especially when it is dropped in front of my child who is a virgin to such language. If you smoke, your kid will probably be a smoker. If you get drunk in front of your kids.... well, you get the picture. Natalia already has a mild case of backseat driver road rage. I'm working on it. Also, put a helmet on her noggin because it's precious. Until I knew that she could manage on her own, Natalia wore a helmet to ice skating lessons. If you graphically explain to them their head will bleed and their brains will fall out they will wear it. I'm all about being graphic. You should have heard the gun safety talk we had with Natalia. Of course the main point is "don't touch", but I told her what happens if she does and it goes off. I told her how sad I would be if she died and we didn't get to see each other anymore. I know it is harsh, but guess what? She doesn't touch the guns in the house.
Here is a mommy secret for you- oil free eye makeup remover. It's amazing. It gets crusty boogers off of sore, sick noses; takes bandaids off so they won't hurt; and removes my eye makeup without pulling out my eyelashes. Kids love bandaids, but freak out when it comes time to remove them. If you really want to plan ahead just stock up on gauze and coban. Also, this sounds really gross, but KY jelly will make it so she can dress her own Polly Pockets in those stupid rubber outfits. Don't judge me. I got tired of dressing Polly and her friends and this KY was left over from the days of rectal temps.
Even at seven years old I still don't think I can love her enough, spend too much time with her, talk to her enough, or hold her too much. The spoiling thing does come into play and that's a fine line we tread. Being a parent is the coolest thing I have ever done, but also the hardest. Aren't all the good things the ones we have to fight for? Just don't forget your husband in the mix of all this parenting, since he is the one who got you "in the family way". Get a babysitter and ditch the kid(s) for a few hours. Your memory is way better than theirs anyway so do something fun. They always like the babysitters better anyway. After all, you guys will be "just mom and dad" before you know it. Spoil them early!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Mother, Exit Stage Right
So it dawned on me yesterday (in one of those brutal sucker punch kind of ways) that I am now more of a spectator to the Natalia Show as opposed to being her co-star. Sometimes I'm even the director, but she is mostly doing improv routines now. It's not really sad as much as it is different because I feel like it has just happened so quickly. Seven years seems like such a short time.
A few blogs ago I wrote about trying to teach Natalia how to ride a bike. You may remember me writing about how she just has to figure it out on her own, in her own time. Well, this week she decided to take off peddling. I am happy to say she hasn't plowed into any mailboxes yet and her knees are still intact. She did kindly ask us not to cheer her on because it distracts her and she loses her balance. Sheesh. It must be exhausting to be a child to such inept parents, right? She didn't need us to tell her how to do it, she really just needed us to be around to watch for cars (because she is busy concentrating), and to watch for the ever present threat of STRANGERS (yep, she's a cop's daughter, alright). She did at one point hit a bump and yell out "Ow, my vagina!". Did I mention this was on Jeremy's watch while I was at work? He was slightly mortified, but I am proud of her near anatomical correctness. Now if she had said "Ow, my perineum!", that would have been over the moon hilarious. Maybe I'll teach her that word tomorrow. She swears she won't be a nurse because my job is disgusting; she just has the lingo down. Oh, that reminds me: Natalia has a new form of measurement. She was trying to tell me about something that was a lot, or big and she said "it's as big as my bladder bag". That's my girl.
It is so much fun to watch her little personality evolve into it's own human. I mean, she has some of my traits and some of Jeremy's too, but really she is her own individual person. It is a deep "Jack Handy" thought when I start thinking about how there is only one of her in the universe. There will never be another person like her and I think she is totally cool. I notice this more as I sit in the director's chair.
So, part of me taking a step outside her personal bubble means she no longer thinks I know everything. Bummer. I kind of liked that omniscience. She told me today that there is a new danger on the playground. Parents, guard your children from the Green Granny Smith Spider. You may not know this, but according to Natalia it can spit venom out of its mouth and take out five kids in one second. Are you listening to me?! One second! It gives you a warning hiss, then will spit and spray in a horizontal line catching five kids by surprise. Pray to God that you are the sixth kid. She says she saw this spider on the playground the other day and one of the kids was dared to touch it. Well, he was really scared, but touched it and then "he went out". I asked her if he died right there and she rolled her eyes at me and say no, that he just "went out" and she made a fainting motion. The kids around him tried to push the ill fated child to get him to wake up, but he wouldn't move so they called the teacher over. I asked her if this kid was a drama queen and she assured me that this child seemed very legit. I tried to tell her that there is no such spider, but she started crying about how I never believe her and invited me to come play at recess to assess the Green Granny Smith Spider situation for myself. I think I'll have to check it out.
I did manage to impart some very key wisdom on Natalia tonight. She was telling me that she made a "squirrel habitat" (her words) today as school. This wasn't a classroom project, mind you, but just something she decided to do out of the goodness of her heart. I asked her if was a squirrel like a weird human, or the little animal. She gave me a very puzzled look and told me she didn't know what I meant. I told her that at work we call weird humans "squirrels". Her reply was "Well, it is made of grass and bark, so it has got to be for an animal". I reminded her of all the people daddy sees at night who live in the park (which is why we don't use the park tables at Albertson's Park) and sleep on the bark and grass. I could tell that she agreed with this very sound logic and assured me that it was for the small animal squirrels, not the weird human varietal. It's all about the details, really.
I plan on sitting back to enjoy this new perspective. No one can explain to a non-parent how much fun "just watching" can be. It's not about living vicariously, but about seeing this fascinating human enjoy the world for the first time. I guess I am more of the entertained audience to the Natalia Improv Comedy Hour than director. That's fine because it's my favorite show.
A few blogs ago I wrote about trying to teach Natalia how to ride a bike. You may remember me writing about how she just has to figure it out on her own, in her own time. Well, this week she decided to take off peddling. I am happy to say she hasn't plowed into any mailboxes yet and her knees are still intact. She did kindly ask us not to cheer her on because it distracts her and she loses her balance. Sheesh. It must be exhausting to be a child to such inept parents, right? She didn't need us to tell her how to do it, she really just needed us to be around to watch for cars (because she is busy concentrating), and to watch for the ever present threat of STRANGERS (yep, she's a cop's daughter, alright). She did at one point hit a bump and yell out "Ow, my vagina!". Did I mention this was on Jeremy's watch while I was at work? He was slightly mortified, but I am proud of her near anatomical correctness. Now if she had said "Ow, my perineum!", that would have been over the moon hilarious. Maybe I'll teach her that word tomorrow. She swears she won't be a nurse because my job is disgusting; she just has the lingo down. Oh, that reminds me: Natalia has a new form of measurement. She was trying to tell me about something that was a lot, or big and she said "it's as big as my bladder bag". That's my girl.
It is so much fun to watch her little personality evolve into it's own human. I mean, she has some of my traits and some of Jeremy's too, but really she is her own individual person. It is a deep "Jack Handy" thought when I start thinking about how there is only one of her in the universe. There will never be another person like her and I think she is totally cool. I notice this more as I sit in the director's chair.
So, part of me taking a step outside her personal bubble means she no longer thinks I know everything. Bummer. I kind of liked that omniscience. She told me today that there is a new danger on the playground. Parents, guard your children from the Green Granny Smith Spider. You may not know this, but according to Natalia it can spit venom out of its mouth and take out five kids in one second. Are you listening to me?! One second! It gives you a warning hiss, then will spit and spray in a horizontal line catching five kids by surprise. Pray to God that you are the sixth kid. She says she saw this spider on the playground the other day and one of the kids was dared to touch it. Well, he was really scared, but touched it and then "he went out". I asked her if he died right there and she rolled her eyes at me and say no, that he just "went out" and she made a fainting motion. The kids around him tried to push the ill fated child to get him to wake up, but he wouldn't move so they called the teacher over. I asked her if this kid was a drama queen and she assured me that this child seemed very legit. I tried to tell her that there is no such spider, but she started crying about how I never believe her and invited me to come play at recess to assess the Green Granny Smith Spider situation for myself. I think I'll have to check it out.
I did manage to impart some very key wisdom on Natalia tonight. She was telling me that she made a "squirrel habitat" (her words) today as school. This wasn't a classroom project, mind you, but just something she decided to do out of the goodness of her heart. I asked her if was a squirrel like a weird human, or the little animal. She gave me a very puzzled look and told me she didn't know what I meant. I told her that at work we call weird humans "squirrels". Her reply was "Well, it is made of grass and bark, so it has got to be for an animal". I reminded her of all the people daddy sees at night who live in the park (which is why we don't use the park tables at Albertson's Park) and sleep on the bark and grass. I could tell that she agreed with this very sound logic and assured me that it was for the small animal squirrels, not the weird human varietal. It's all about the details, really.
I plan on sitting back to enjoy this new perspective. No one can explain to a non-parent how much fun "just watching" can be. It's not about living vicariously, but about seeing this fascinating human enjoy the world for the first time. I guess I am more of the entertained audience to the Natalia Improv Comedy Hour than director. That's fine because it's my favorite show.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Working on Being Still - A Total Oxymoron
Most women will tell you that there is nothing still about being a woman, let alone being a mom. Most of us have a million things rolling around in our head - to do lists, errands to run, does my lip gloss look good, did I wear deodorant today.... Constant noise. Among this constant chatter for me are worst case scenarios that pop into my head such as: I'm at the gym and imagine the commotion and what I would do if that old guy with the paunch suddenly has a coronary, or what would I do if that lady at the restaurant who weighs 400lbs starts choking (my arms are only so long), or how am I going to react if Natalia starts choking on a piece of candy.
This last one confused Natalia a bit when she was a toddler. Since I did choke on a butterscotch candy when I was nine, I would never let Natalia eat hard candy when she was little. We would be at a restaurant and she would ask for a little peppermint and my pat response would be "No bubbie, that's a choking hazard". Natalia got a little older and we let her start eating those candies, but still never in the car. The best part was when we were up at the hostess desk and she loudly, but politely asks "Mommy, can I please have a choking hazard?". That's just what she thought they were called. It's weird to say "Yes lovey. You can have a choking hazard." It just sounds like irresponsible parenting, as opposed to just giving your kid a piece of candy.
Lately, my mind has been on overdrive and I am working on cooling it off a bit. I'm hoping someday when Natalia is older, she will read this and understand why I am a bit neurotic about her safety. It's an ugly world in the ER for children and I wish I had more faith that God would keep her safe, but I don't. I don't think there is ever a good reason to steal a child's life away. I may not always think the parenting is on the up and up, but there are other parents out there who would gladly step in and change that child's life. Most people have the luxury of ignorance. I firmly believe it is a total luxury to never have seen a dead child, or a child who had a stroke from hitting his head, or a little one who is critical after a near drowning. Yowzer. This is heavy stuff, huh. The positive spin I try and put on this is I need to appreciate every second because we are all on borrowed time.
Now as much as I would love to wrap Natalia in bubble wrap, I realize that's not going to cut it for her happiness or sanity. You should have seen me the last two times we went boating with our friends and Natalia was being pulled behind the boat in the tube. I tried to smile and look calm, but Jeremy and my friends saw right through it. I was a nervous wreck that even a vanilla mojito couldn't take the edge off. You see, she just learned how to swim a couple of weeks ago and while I know the life jacket would keep her afloat, she doesn't yet have that instinct to close her pie hole when the water hits her in the face. Thankfully our friends are an amazing balance of giving her an exciting ride and keeping it tame for my sake. I told Josiah that him being gentle is more for my sake than hers. She is irreplaceable and deeply treasured. Then I politely threatened his life in my sweet southern way.
I rationally know that I am crazy trying to control the universe for the sake of my baby girl, but that won't stop me from trying. It's a tough dance to make sure her life is adventurous and exciting, while keeping her safe and protected. I don't believe that God will keep her safe because He is also a cruel God and takes children all the time. Even the bible shows Him as hard core, so why would He change now just because we wear jeans to church and try to make Him "cool". So, my head case work mainly involves me realizing that I'll deal with that when it comes around. I try and remember the verse "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). I'm working on it, but I'm still pretty antsy. In the mean time, Natalia is obsessed with boating, swimming, horse back riding and hard candies. I'll let her have her fun, but in the back of my mind is a constant hum of "protect her airway" and "please don't make me use my Life Flight membership because she's a leveled trauma".
This last one confused Natalia a bit when she was a toddler. Since I did choke on a butterscotch candy when I was nine, I would never let Natalia eat hard candy when she was little. We would be at a restaurant and she would ask for a little peppermint and my pat response would be "No bubbie, that's a choking hazard". Natalia got a little older and we let her start eating those candies, but still never in the car. The best part was when we were up at the hostess desk and she loudly, but politely asks "Mommy, can I please have a choking hazard?". That's just what she thought they were called. It's weird to say "Yes lovey. You can have a choking hazard." It just sounds like irresponsible parenting, as opposed to just giving your kid a piece of candy.
Lately, my mind has been on overdrive and I am working on cooling it off a bit. I'm hoping someday when Natalia is older, she will read this and understand why I am a bit neurotic about her safety. It's an ugly world in the ER for children and I wish I had more faith that God would keep her safe, but I don't. I don't think there is ever a good reason to steal a child's life away. I may not always think the parenting is on the up and up, but there are other parents out there who would gladly step in and change that child's life. Most people have the luxury of ignorance. I firmly believe it is a total luxury to never have seen a dead child, or a child who had a stroke from hitting his head, or a little one who is critical after a near drowning. Yowzer. This is heavy stuff, huh. The positive spin I try and put on this is I need to appreciate every second because we are all on borrowed time.
Now as much as I would love to wrap Natalia in bubble wrap, I realize that's not going to cut it for her happiness or sanity. You should have seen me the last two times we went boating with our friends and Natalia was being pulled behind the boat in the tube. I tried to smile and look calm, but Jeremy and my friends saw right through it. I was a nervous wreck that even a vanilla mojito couldn't take the edge off. You see, she just learned how to swim a couple of weeks ago and while I know the life jacket would keep her afloat, she doesn't yet have that instinct to close her pie hole when the water hits her in the face. Thankfully our friends are an amazing balance of giving her an exciting ride and keeping it tame for my sake. I told Josiah that him being gentle is more for my sake than hers. She is irreplaceable and deeply treasured. Then I politely threatened his life in my sweet southern way.
I rationally know that I am crazy trying to control the universe for the sake of my baby girl, but that won't stop me from trying. It's a tough dance to make sure her life is adventurous and exciting, while keeping her safe and protected. I don't believe that God will keep her safe because He is also a cruel God and takes children all the time. Even the bible shows Him as hard core, so why would He change now just because we wear jeans to church and try to make Him "cool". So, my head case work mainly involves me realizing that I'll deal with that when it comes around. I try and remember the verse "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). I'm working on it, but I'm still pretty antsy. In the mean time, Natalia is obsessed with boating, swimming, horse back riding and hard candies. I'll let her have her fun, but in the back of my mind is a constant hum of "protect her airway" and "please don't make me use my Life Flight membership because she's a leveled trauma".
Friday, September 2, 2011
Skating Through Life
It's a big deal for our family to plan an outing every week. We call it "family day" and it is sacred. I have to admit that Jeremy is really the creative director behind most of our outings for this weekly ritual. Our scheduled events not only entertain Natalia, but they pull Jeremy and I out of our adult routine and into some play time. This week we went ice skating, then headed over to the candy store to load up on sugar. Natalia polished off 80% of a gigantic caramel apple. I was impressed since the thing was almost the size of her head and I thought most of it would go to waste. Nope. That's my girl. I had also told her that when I was little I lost a baby tooth to the tenacity of a caramel apple. She repeatedly had us check her grill to make sure her teeth were present and accounted for. You will be relieved to hear there were no dental casualties that day.
Now, I think I've mentioned this before, but ice skating is not one of my favorites because 1. Grace and balance are not my strong points, 2. It's cold and finally 3. Do you know how hard ice feels when you land on it? There's no Downy softness about it. I think the time before this one there was a blood stain on the ice. Seriously, I'm not just trying to be dramatic. Natalia has had two rounds of ice skating lessons and really does just fine. Well, she does about as well as Jeremy and I do. The thing is, she wants to hold a hand because it makes her feel more confident. Now again, my own balance is sketchy, let alone trying to assist her when she's almost as tall as me. It's a bit trickier now than when she was a shorty barely out of toddlerhood. So this time she mostly held daddy's hand and the difference in hand holding vs. freestyle skating was huge. This is what got me thinking.
If Natalia had an analytical adult mind she would see that Jeremy and I "helping" her is more of a liability than a stabilizer. When she would skate on her own with us flanking her to protect her from the speed skaters, she was slow and kept grabbing onto the wall. When she held our hand, she was off to the races and charging ahead. I had to push it to keep up with her. Her trust and faith in us is pretty amazing. I spent a lot of time encouraging her to let go and be confident on her own, but now I wish I would have kept my mommy badger to myself. Someday she won't even ask for us to hold her hand so I think I am just going to enjoy the hand holding for as long as I can.
When it was time to go, she asked if she could skate around the rink a few times by herself while Jeremy and I waited for her on the bleachers. She went around three times on her own, with each time peeking out the door as she slid by to make sure we saw what a big girl she was. There is no doubt in my mind that our little bit of hand holding went a long way. She became confident to let go, and I became confident that I have a child who wants to let go - when she's ready. One of my big mommy worries is making sure I am raising a little girl who will be confident, independent and able to go out and claim her spot in society. I worry a lot. I think I'll work on jacking it down a bit and save my neurosis for something a little more worthwhile, like when she starts dating or driving.
So, here are my hands all ready for holding. I may not be able to keep us both from tripping up, but being present is really what it's all about. You know what really makes me super happy? Natalia has a parental team who is ready to carry her through, flank her for protection and sit it out so she can do it on her own. That is what skating through life is all about.
Now, I think I've mentioned this before, but ice skating is not one of my favorites because 1. Grace and balance are not my strong points, 2. It's cold and finally 3. Do you know how hard ice feels when you land on it? There's no Downy softness about it. I think the time before this one there was a blood stain on the ice. Seriously, I'm not just trying to be dramatic. Natalia has had two rounds of ice skating lessons and really does just fine. Well, she does about as well as Jeremy and I do. The thing is, she wants to hold a hand because it makes her feel more confident. Now again, my own balance is sketchy, let alone trying to assist her when she's almost as tall as me. It's a bit trickier now than when she was a shorty barely out of toddlerhood. So this time she mostly held daddy's hand and the difference in hand holding vs. freestyle skating was huge. This is what got me thinking.
If Natalia had an analytical adult mind she would see that Jeremy and I "helping" her is more of a liability than a stabilizer. When she would skate on her own with us flanking her to protect her from the speed skaters, she was slow and kept grabbing onto the wall. When she held our hand, she was off to the races and charging ahead. I had to push it to keep up with her. Her trust and faith in us is pretty amazing. I spent a lot of time encouraging her to let go and be confident on her own, but now I wish I would have kept my mommy badger to myself. Someday she won't even ask for us to hold her hand so I think I am just going to enjoy the hand holding for as long as I can.
When it was time to go, she asked if she could skate around the rink a few times by herself while Jeremy and I waited for her on the bleachers. She went around three times on her own, with each time peeking out the door as she slid by to make sure we saw what a big girl she was. There is no doubt in my mind that our little bit of hand holding went a long way. She became confident to let go, and I became confident that I have a child who wants to let go - when she's ready. One of my big mommy worries is making sure I am raising a little girl who will be confident, independent and able to go out and claim her spot in society. I worry a lot. I think I'll work on jacking it down a bit and save my neurosis for something a little more worthwhile, like when she starts dating or driving.
So, here are my hands all ready for holding. I may not be able to keep us both from tripping up, but being present is really what it's all about. You know what really makes me super happy? Natalia has a parental team who is ready to carry her through, flank her for protection and sit it out so she can do it on her own. That is what skating through life is all about.
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