I'll warn you up front, this blog may be a little heavy on the Shauna and lighter on the mommy/Natalia thing. It was a rough week at the office.
Okay, think back to when your little angel (they are always sweet and perfect in hind sight) was smaller and she had her comfort object. Natalia has had a few, but nothing that she had to take with her everywhere she went. I do remember her being around two months old and me crying in the pediatricians office to the nurse because Natalia would nurse almost constantly and I was so tired. The nurse lovingly took Natalia from my arms so I could have a mini melt down and told me "Hon, she's not eating, she's just using you as a pacifier." She would never take to the plastic kind and constantly having her attached to me was no longer an option. The gig was up, but she had me going for a while.
Besides Natalia's bedtime friends Slippin' Booty (okay, I'm making fun of her toddler mispronunciation of Sleeping Beauty) and John Bear, her other tried and true soother is hair. Specifically my hair. When I would hold her over my shoulder and she was either upset or ready to conk out, she would reach over my shoulder, around my neck and rub my hair between her thumb and fingers. Although it seems like eons ago, I used to be able to pick her up while she was sleeping without herniating a disc and unconscious and all, she would still reach her little hand behind my neck to rub my hair. She simply cannot resist playing with my bangs when we are having an eye level "coming to Jesus meeting" about something important and when she is sleeping and my hair isn't available, she rubs her own bangs. She wakes up with this little Treasure Troll looking tuft of hair in the front sometimes. Too cute. Aah, comfort.
Like I said, I had a super, five miles horrible bad day at the office. Now because I am a nurse and because I have to keep my patient's confidentiality, I can't go into specifics. I'll do as much dancing around the details as I can to respect her privacy and keep my job.
My patient was mean to me. Now, I have been in an ER for seven years now and people are mean to me all the time. It's okay, I can take it. Like I said to one of my co-workers that day "At least I don't work on the floor where I would have her for 12 hours, three days a week." The plan was for her to be admitted if I could only get the order for a bed upstairs. In the meantime, she had fired me as her nurse several times (which I told her was not an option), been on the call light at least every twenty minutes or so, was demanding, degrading, tried to pick fights multiple times, spent her entire ER stay yelling and screaming and loudly had been calling me some very unlady-like names. I realized about five hours into her stay that she needed comfort that she was never going to get through and IV, so I prayed at her bedside. My prayers are pretty much how I talk to y'all because it seems silly to put on a front for God. I don't know if you know this, but He reads minds! Crazy, right?! This was my prayer: "God, this woman is horrible and mean, but sad. Please give her some comfort. She's still horrible. Amen." Hey. I am who I am.
Of course she didn't know I was praying about her. I mean, how could she? She was too busy asking me if I was a sadist who enjoyed seeing people in pain. I did the best I could to make her content. Of course it didn't work, but I did my part. Unfortunately she died suddenly and unexpectedly. There are a lot more details to this story, but trust me that this was devastating enough. In my seven years of nursing I have never walked in on a patient who was dead that I had just checked on fifteen minutes before. I'm not talking "circling the drain" or agonal. This woman was dead. She finally got her comfort, so I guess God was listening after all.
As you could well imagine, I needed some comfort. There was no way I could keep it together on this one. I have amazing co-workers who helped me clean up the mess, sort out my other patients and take over while I left the floor to sit on the curb outside in the ambulance bay. The patient's admitting doctor came out, sat with me and gave me reassurance and a big hug. That was comforting, but what I needed was Natalia's equivalent of hair rubbing. That would be My Jeremy. I called him and told him I needed him to come to the hospital because when my world is falling apart, he steadies me. He got there like my black knight all in uniform, hugged me and helped me recap things in a logical way rather than my hysterical Shauna crazy-pants state I was in. I made it through the rest of my shift that day (barely) and Jeremy took the rest of his shift off so he could meet me at home with flowers and a cheeseburger.
Earlier that day, way before all this drama, I had a sweet patient that I actually enjoyed talking to. We got on the subject of kids and how her one regret is that her son is an only child and has no siblings to comfort him when she and her husband are gone. Ugh! The singleton guilt. It comes around every once in a while, but after Saturday night I have a different perspective. Given Natalia isn't some sort of a social leper, she will be just fine. If God gifts her even half the quality of amazing people that have surrounded me since my no good, horrible, very bad day, she will be comforted. Family is what you make it. It may be a dear friend who's hair she plays with when I am sick or gone, or maybe she will have an amazing husband with longer hair. Although I don't know how I feel about that. I'm kind of partial to men with short hair. Whatever the case, I feel really sad for the patient who had no one there to comfort her, but I am thankful for all the loving people I have around me. I have to give a special thank you and shout out to Christine, Amy C. and Kelly - oh, and My Jeremy, of course.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
From the Mouth of Babes
So, I am thinking this is going to be a blog that I won't want to show Natalia until she's a bit older. It has to do with her language evolution and a shocker she threw out there to Jeremy and I on Tuesday night. Let me set the stage for you. Natalia has had some time off of school since last Friday and so have I. You know what this means.... Late nights and lots of family time. By Tuesday night she had been staying up late every night since Friday, we had just had our Thanksgiving celebration the night before with lots of family and friends over and as you can well imagine, it was catching up with her. She was totally out of sorts and Jeremy and I weren't helping things along at all. We had a Groupon for dinner and she was all over the place at the dinner table - totally unlike her. Then we decided to hit a couple of stores and I promised her a craft for the next day since I left for work at 10:30 and Jeremy would be sleeping for another hour or so. Well what was next to the craft store? A couple of home stores all decked out with Christmas-y stuff. I mean really, who could resist? Then TJ Maxx was open until 9:30, which was totally, like a sign we should go there, right?
Okay, so as parents we had pushed the limit of a tired, overstimulated, off her schedule, off her rocker, totally labile child. She actually does really well in spite of her Natalia style meltdown. They are really tame compared to some other parent's stories I've heard, so I can't complain. She was playing hide and seek in the middle of the clothing displays while I was trying to look for sweaters for her when she knocked a couple of sweaters off the hanger. As frustrating as that was, she took it upon herself to hang the sweaters back up and apologized, all the while laughing in that creepy "I'm about to lose it any second" kind of way. I got frustrated and said "Okay, let's go. You are being a pest and need to go to bed." That was it. She didn't protest, we found daddy and left the store. Might I add without spending a dime, thank you very much.
Natalia spends the drive home quietly playing on Jeremy's phone, we pull into the driveway and then she lets it fly. Okay - be prepared for some potty talk because I am quoting my child and even I will blush as I type this. "Mommy made me sad because she said we had to leave the store because I was being a pussy!"............. Oh My Gosh.
First of all, I don't even want to say the name of the movie "Puss in Boots" because it's embarrassing let alone use the "P" word ever. Jeremy knows this, so we looked at each other and tried not to laugh at my sweet cherub using such a vulgar word. Jeremy asked her to repeat herself just to make sure we heard her correctly. Ya know, every once in a while your kid will say something that sounds like a cuss word, but she was just mispronouncing something or making up words and has no idea what she said. I ignore those. Nope. She repeated this verbatim. I asked her if she knew what it meant. Okay, now when she was complaining about my rudeness to her she was loudly bawling and carrying on. All of a sudden she realized that something was up and clear and calm as could be said, "No. What does it mean?" It's amazing how she can turn off the drama so quickly when she wants to.
So here is another one of those panic moments when you have to think quick on your parental high heels. This is my explanation of cussing to Natalia: Cuss words are usually bad words to describe potty words. We were watching TV (a prime time show on ABC, mind you) a week before and they said the word "ass". She knew right away that was a cuss word and told me she won't say that. I told her that "ass" is another word for butt, the "sh" word is another word for poop and the word "pussy" (ewe!) is another word for a girls potty or vagina. These are the cuss words I knew she was already familiar with. Jeremy pipes in and says that there are different cuss words for other boy body parts too. She wanted to know what those are, but increasing her inner obscenity thesaurus was not the point of our conversation. I told her that cuss words are ugly and that no matter how beautiful someone is on the outside, if they use ugly words it makes them appear ugly. She was right on board with this and told me that it is is the things people say and think that makes a person beautiful. Okay, see me fanning my face with misty eyes all proud mama, beauty pageant winner style right now.
Since I knew she had that concept down, I told her that the best thing to do is to always find clever words to describe something without having to cuss. Jeremy told her that someday she will want to say ugly things because some of her friends will talk that way. This is yet another one of those times when she looks at us like we are poor pathetic parents who have a combined IQ of about 100, but she tolerates us anyway. She assured us she will not fall prey to the potty mouth peer pressure. I told her that there are always funny words she can use instead and told her that instead of the "P" word she could use peekachoo. Whoops. Why the whoops? She thought this word is in fact hilarious and she is so proud to use this word for the rest of the night. Picture my darling seven year old dancing around the house in her undies laughing and singing "I'm shaking my peekachoo, I'm shaking my peekachoo." That was not the point I was going for. Jeremy just looked at me while trying not to laugh and simply says "Nice job."
You may be wondering where my little piece of human perfection heard this nasty word. I blame the playground. You just cannot insulate your child from other children and whatever they pick up from their families and older siblings. I assume the kids who pass this information along to children as young as this have tween or teen siblings. It's fascinating fodder for a second grader and must be passed on at recess, even if that child has no idea what any of that means. Jeremy and I are not cussers. Well, I have to admit an "sh" word has spewn from my mouth all Exorcist style a couple times when I have been pulled over by police and Natalia was with me. Of course, the words "stupid" and "hate" are also bad words in my house and I am also guilty of those a time or two. I can assure all of you that the "P" word is not a part of my vocabulary, and since Natalia obviously had no idea what she was saying, she didn't get in trouble or yelled at for her obscenity. Just a loving "coming to Jesus meeting" about cuss words and to please not say it again, ever.
Cursing seems like the absolute character foil of who I think Natalia is. I know there are so many worse things that a person can do, but she is such a sweet, thoughtful, intuitive and sensitive person that hearing such blatant ugliness come out of her mouth is down right shocking. I'm glad that she gets the point that what we say determines how people see us and can take away from our outer beauty. That tells me that I'm doing a good job - okay, I'll give some props to Jeremy too. We are doing a good job. I know that it was ugly and I sure as Hades didn't want to condone it, but oh my gosh was it hard not to laugh. I'm glad it happened in a dark truck with her in the back seat because Jeremy and I almost lost it. My sweet little angel and that beautiful potty mouth. Lord help me.
Okay, so as parents we had pushed the limit of a tired, overstimulated, off her schedule, off her rocker, totally labile child. She actually does really well in spite of her Natalia style meltdown. They are really tame compared to some other parent's stories I've heard, so I can't complain. She was playing hide and seek in the middle of the clothing displays while I was trying to look for sweaters for her when she knocked a couple of sweaters off the hanger. As frustrating as that was, she took it upon herself to hang the sweaters back up and apologized, all the while laughing in that creepy "I'm about to lose it any second" kind of way. I got frustrated and said "Okay, let's go. You are being a pest and need to go to bed." That was it. She didn't protest, we found daddy and left the store. Might I add without spending a dime, thank you very much.
Natalia spends the drive home quietly playing on Jeremy's phone, we pull into the driveway and then she lets it fly. Okay - be prepared for some potty talk because I am quoting my child and even I will blush as I type this. "Mommy made me sad because she said we had to leave the store because I was being a pussy!"............. Oh My Gosh.
First of all, I don't even want to say the name of the movie "Puss in Boots" because it's embarrassing let alone use the "P" word ever. Jeremy knows this, so we looked at each other and tried not to laugh at my sweet cherub using such a vulgar word. Jeremy asked her to repeat herself just to make sure we heard her correctly. Ya know, every once in a while your kid will say something that sounds like a cuss word, but she was just mispronouncing something or making up words and has no idea what she said. I ignore those. Nope. She repeated this verbatim. I asked her if she knew what it meant. Okay, now when she was complaining about my rudeness to her she was loudly bawling and carrying on. All of a sudden she realized that something was up and clear and calm as could be said, "No. What does it mean?" It's amazing how she can turn off the drama so quickly when she wants to.
So here is another one of those panic moments when you have to think quick on your parental high heels. This is my explanation of cussing to Natalia: Cuss words are usually bad words to describe potty words. We were watching TV (a prime time show on ABC, mind you) a week before and they said the word "ass". She knew right away that was a cuss word and told me she won't say that. I told her that "ass" is another word for butt, the "sh" word is another word for poop and the word "pussy" (ewe!) is another word for a girls potty or vagina. These are the cuss words I knew she was already familiar with. Jeremy pipes in and says that there are different cuss words for other boy body parts too. She wanted to know what those are, but increasing her inner obscenity thesaurus was not the point of our conversation. I told her that cuss words are ugly and that no matter how beautiful someone is on the outside, if they use ugly words it makes them appear ugly. She was right on board with this and told me that it is is the things people say and think that makes a person beautiful. Okay, see me fanning my face with misty eyes all proud mama, beauty pageant winner style right now.
Since I knew she had that concept down, I told her that the best thing to do is to always find clever words to describe something without having to cuss. Jeremy told her that someday she will want to say ugly things because some of her friends will talk that way. This is yet another one of those times when she looks at us like we are poor pathetic parents who have a combined IQ of about 100, but she tolerates us anyway. She assured us she will not fall prey to the potty mouth peer pressure. I told her that there are always funny words she can use instead and told her that instead of the "P" word she could use peekachoo. Whoops. Why the whoops? She thought this word is in fact hilarious and she is so proud to use this word for the rest of the night. Picture my darling seven year old dancing around the house in her undies laughing and singing "I'm shaking my peekachoo, I'm shaking my peekachoo." That was not the point I was going for. Jeremy just looked at me while trying not to laugh and simply says "Nice job."
You may be wondering where my little piece of human perfection heard this nasty word. I blame the playground. You just cannot insulate your child from other children and whatever they pick up from their families and older siblings. I assume the kids who pass this information along to children as young as this have tween or teen siblings. It's fascinating fodder for a second grader and must be passed on at recess, even if that child has no idea what any of that means. Jeremy and I are not cussers. Well, I have to admit an "sh" word has spewn from my mouth all Exorcist style a couple times when I have been pulled over by police and Natalia was with me. Of course, the words "stupid" and "hate" are also bad words in my house and I am also guilty of those a time or two. I can assure all of you that the "P" word is not a part of my vocabulary, and since Natalia obviously had no idea what she was saying, she didn't get in trouble or yelled at for her obscenity. Just a loving "coming to Jesus meeting" about cuss words and to please not say it again, ever.
Cursing seems like the absolute character foil of who I think Natalia is. I know there are so many worse things that a person can do, but she is such a sweet, thoughtful, intuitive and sensitive person that hearing such blatant ugliness come out of her mouth is down right shocking. I'm glad that she gets the point that what we say determines how people see us and can take away from our outer beauty. That tells me that I'm doing a good job - okay, I'll give some props to Jeremy too. We are doing a good job. I know that it was ugly and I sure as Hades didn't want to condone it, but oh my gosh was it hard not to laugh. I'm glad it happened in a dark truck with her in the back seat because Jeremy and I almost lost it. My sweet little angel and that beautiful potty mouth. Lord help me.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
The First Rule of Fight Club
Once you get past about age two or three, you lose the crutch of those great baby books. Sure, there are parenting books out there all the way up to "How to Get Rid of Your 28 Year Old Squatter Child", but it's no longer broad spectrum cookie cutter behavior. Case in point: We all know babies learn to sit up at a certain age, go through some separation anxiety, and you cannot convince a toddler that the nightmare she just had about the store mannequin in her closet was not real (um, that was my issue as a child. Remember, this is a judgement free zone). There is no concrete, textbook way to deal with seven year old drama, social graces, friendship nuances or fashion faux pas. You gotta wing it sister because all those books out there are just someone's opinion. You can find one that supports the opinion you have already established, but seriously you might as well just save yourself the twelve bucks and just find a girlfriend who agrees with you. Even Natalia's second grade teacher, Mrs. Penney, is very patient with Jeremy and I when we give her desperate parent faces and say "We've never been through second grade before." Well, obviously we made it through second grade (damn you Ms. Dobson), but never on this end.
So, even though I think I have the best husband ever, there are days when there is unrest in Lacowland. Now, in my artful way of oversimplifying things, I have come to the conclusion that there are three basic schools of parenting when it comes to how parents deal with their children when there is civil unrest between the parental units. School number one: Pretend there is nothing wrong. The typical problem with this plan of action is the parents are either never around each other, or they are constantly wearing this creepy fake smile like the people in "The Further" from that movie "Insidious". Haven't seen the movie? OMG - Totally one of my fav's and you must go to a Redbox now and rent it. I'll wait for you while you watch it....... Amazing huh. Totally scary. Alright, back to the point. Kids are super intuitive and will see right through your shenanigans and this usually just stresses them out more. They know something is wrong, but no one is saying anything, but there is something definitely wrong. Obviously this is not how I roll.
The second school of thought is the other side of the spectrum. These are the parents who really just don't give a fig and get down and dirty in front of their kids. They scream, yell and say very unflattering things without using their adult filter. Parents - unless you have a lead lined, sound proof panic room or your kids are comatose when they sleep - they hear you. Another thing to think about is even if they are asleep, your words are invading their subconscious because YES THEY CAN HEAR YOU! Think about it. How much fun is it to mess with your sleeping angel while she is in the throws of slumber. Jeremy and I do this all the time. You go in and start asking her questions while she is sleeping because you get the most random answers. We usually do this until she gets mad and then we leave her alone. She's so cute. I also go in and give her subconscious positive affirmations while she is sleeping. Hokie, but I'll give her whatever upper hand I can. Besides, all the things I tell her are totally true.
Finally, there is the Shauna way. When Jeremy and I aren't agreeing, we do so when Natalia is out of the house and Jeremy and I are always respectful of each other, inside the fighting ring and out. I've already talked about that, so I'll spare you. Do I dump on Natalia? No way, she's my child, not my BFF. I can be her friend, but she cannot be mine. That's how I think the whole mommy/daughter thing should work. I do want her to know that Jeremy and I don't always get along and I have a good reason why. When she was little, I thought I wanted to shield her from any civil unrest that Jeremy and I may have. Then I thought about it as she was older and realized that was selling her a lie. What I really want her to know is that Jeremy and I are a stable unit and that she doesn't have to worry. I thought that if she thought everything was always copacetic between he and I that she wouldn't have to worry about us getting a divorce. My thinking evolved a little and I realized what I really want her to know is that Jeremy and I can disagree, be poopie to one another (respectfully) and keep it together in the end. I tell her that just like her playground posse, we don't always get along, but we are still friends. I think that's a better lesson. Oh, and she is never privy to disagreement discussion details. She's a child and adult conversations are none of her beeswax.
I do need to give some props to Jeremy for the past couple weeks. This blog was inspired because I have been in rare form, even for me. You see, I accidentally doubled up on my birth control, which is the Nuvaring. Now y'all can google the Nuvaring if you aren't familiar with that contraception, then laugh at me. Well, I did figure it out, corrected the situation, but I have had double the hormones on board for about two weeks. Now add that to a flood of hormones I normally get around this time and you can all get the mental image of me being totally labile and what I call "crazy pants". Women who have been pregnant understand how powerful hormones really are. It's creepy and frustrating. Because I have been in such a state, I actually sent Jeremy out of the house to poker night and told him to take his time, that's how bad it's been. Y'all know how possessive I usually am about my Jeremy time, so for me to give that up shows what a martyr I really am. Now that's true love. I am still riding this hormonal wave, but my amazing husband snuck into my work last night and brought me a balloon that said "Princess" on it. He loves me, in spite of me, high maintenance and all.
So, even though I think I have the best husband ever, there are days when there is unrest in Lacowland. Now, in my artful way of oversimplifying things, I have come to the conclusion that there are three basic schools of parenting when it comes to how parents deal with their children when there is civil unrest between the parental units. School number one: Pretend there is nothing wrong. The typical problem with this plan of action is the parents are either never around each other, or they are constantly wearing this creepy fake smile like the people in "The Further" from that movie "Insidious". Haven't seen the movie? OMG - Totally one of my fav's and you must go to a Redbox now and rent it. I'll wait for you while you watch it....... Amazing huh. Totally scary. Alright, back to the point. Kids are super intuitive and will see right through your shenanigans and this usually just stresses them out more. They know something is wrong, but no one is saying anything, but there is something definitely wrong. Obviously this is not how I roll.
The second school of thought is the other side of the spectrum. These are the parents who really just don't give a fig and get down and dirty in front of their kids. They scream, yell and say very unflattering things without using their adult filter. Parents - unless you have a lead lined, sound proof panic room or your kids are comatose when they sleep - they hear you. Another thing to think about is even if they are asleep, your words are invading their subconscious because YES THEY CAN HEAR YOU! Think about it. How much fun is it to mess with your sleeping angel while she is in the throws of slumber. Jeremy and I do this all the time. You go in and start asking her questions while she is sleeping because you get the most random answers. We usually do this until she gets mad and then we leave her alone. She's so cute. I also go in and give her subconscious positive affirmations while she is sleeping. Hokie, but I'll give her whatever upper hand I can. Besides, all the things I tell her are totally true.
Finally, there is the Shauna way. When Jeremy and I aren't agreeing, we do so when Natalia is out of the house and Jeremy and I are always respectful of each other, inside the fighting ring and out. I've already talked about that, so I'll spare you. Do I dump on Natalia? No way, she's my child, not my BFF. I can be her friend, but she cannot be mine. That's how I think the whole mommy/daughter thing should work. I do want her to know that Jeremy and I don't always get along and I have a good reason why. When she was little, I thought I wanted to shield her from any civil unrest that Jeremy and I may have. Then I thought about it as she was older and realized that was selling her a lie. What I really want her to know is that Jeremy and I are a stable unit and that she doesn't have to worry. I thought that if she thought everything was always copacetic between he and I that she wouldn't have to worry about us getting a divorce. My thinking evolved a little and I realized what I really want her to know is that Jeremy and I can disagree, be poopie to one another (respectfully) and keep it together in the end. I tell her that just like her playground posse, we don't always get along, but we are still friends. I think that's a better lesson. Oh, and she is never privy to disagreement discussion details. She's a child and adult conversations are none of her beeswax.
I do need to give some props to Jeremy for the past couple weeks. This blog was inspired because I have been in rare form, even for me. You see, I accidentally doubled up on my birth control, which is the Nuvaring. Now y'all can google the Nuvaring if you aren't familiar with that contraception, then laugh at me. Well, I did figure it out, corrected the situation, but I have had double the hormones on board for about two weeks. Now add that to a flood of hormones I normally get around this time and you can all get the mental image of me being totally labile and what I call "crazy pants". Women who have been pregnant understand how powerful hormones really are. It's creepy and frustrating. Because I have been in such a state, I actually sent Jeremy out of the house to poker night and told him to take his time, that's how bad it's been. Y'all know how possessive I usually am about my Jeremy time, so for me to give that up shows what a martyr I really am. Now that's true love. I am still riding this hormonal wave, but my amazing husband snuck into my work last night and brought me a balloon that said "Princess" on it. He loves me, in spite of me, high maintenance and all.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
All the Pretty Things
I was hoping in my mommy delusional kind of way that if I raised Natalia with a consistent loving father and a family that placed importance on her inner strength I could avoid her being pre-occupied with her looks. It made me slightly panic and cringe the other day when she told me she wants a "skinny belly" while getting ready to step into the shower. I assured her that she is a normal size and most importantly everyone is built a special way. I also assured her that God doesn't make mistakes, so she is perfect just the way she is. Hello, my name is Shauna and I'm a total hypocrite since I really don't practice what I am preaching. Well, such is parenting.
I am convinced this thought process is genetic in nature, not just to my family, but to girls in general. I remember being her age and wanting my mother to tie the sash around my dress extra tight so I would look like I had a "skinny waist". Mind you I was seven. Natalia told me a few years ago that she wanted a belly like the Disney princesses. I had to explain to her that these were just cartoons and no one should ever have a waist smaller than her head. Besides, where would you keep all your internal organs? I'm pretty sure Ariel has only two feet of bowels, which means she suffers from constant diarrhea. Poor Ariel.
Now, I am not shady about the fact that I have had plastic surgery. I don't think plastic surgery is any more fake than upgrading the exhaust system on my car. Is my car less of a Mustang because I now have a Flowmaster Super 44 exhaust system with chrome pipe tips? Hardly. As a mater of fact, it's pretty awesome and has a fabulous growl to it. That being said, I know there are people that totally overdo it and end up the equivalent of Geo Metro with too many "upgrades", so the car is strange at best. Natalia knows that I have had breast implants and I was honest in telling her why. I was a fully grown adult who could afford my modifications and wanted bigger boobs. Bottom line. I still love them and they look great, which in turn makes me feel a little more self confident. I would like to say that I feel fabulous on brains alone, but I'm a horrible liar.
The tricky part of raising a girl is the dance of inner beauty vs. outer beauty. I think both are important. I let her know that I work out to be healthy, but that I also like the way my body looks when I am consistent. It is important to be kind to people and take their feelings into consideration, but it is also important to look your best self when you are out and about. Please put emphasis on "your best self" which means ya work with what ya got.
Natalia and I have already had a conversation about body types and the difference between my body and hers. I have said many times over that Natalia is all Jeremy for looks, and all mommy for attitude. She is going to be much taller than me and her body has an athletic build to it. She is like Jeremy in that they both have natural muscle tone that they barely have to work for. I on the other hand would be a doughy concoction of bones and skin if I didn't work out. Natalia and I looked through one of my magazines and I explained to her that a lot of the models in the magazine were totally unhealthy and that all the pictures were lies anyway. With the advent of airbrushing and photo shopping, there are no real human pictures in magazines anymore. How odd is it that when a celebrity has their untouched photo in a magazine, that is the big heading. When did normal become so abnormal?
I'm hoping that coaching Natalia along the way will save me from trying to convince an emotional teenager that she is fine the way she is. Is she going to throw it in my face that I have had plastic surgery? Of course she is. Not only is she a proficient back talker already, but her memory is uncanny. I want her to be fit, hygienically sound and not look like she just rolled out of The Sanctuary. However, I do not want her to obsess and nit pick her looks constantly - like I do to myself. That is the hypocritical part. I don't want her to feel she has to say something negative about herself to fit in with girly banter in a crowd. All you girls know how it is. Heaven forbid you actually love something about your self. The other girls will think you are a conceited snob instead of someone who is content just the way she is. I'm not saying all girls are like this because some of us have evolved past high school. It's the bad apples who spoil it.
So Natalia, here is what mommy wants you to know: A pretty face and a cute body will only get you so far, and even that is short lived. Enjoy your beauty, but make sure you have the inner stuff to back up that gorgeous face. Your kindness will make your skin glow and a genuine smile is always your best accessory. Never hide your intelligence because you are afraid people will treat you differently. There is no reason why you can't be a knockout and a brainiac at the same time. Feel free to wear lip gloss and have your hair set while you are formulating how to split the atom. Being pretty does not make you dumb any more than being smart makes you dowdy. Make sure that you make life choices based on what it means to you, not to someone else. That is just sage advice all around, not just for looks. God made you just right, but I understand if you want to tweak a thing or two. Just remember not to go overboard. Not only are you beautiful just as you are, but you don't want to end up looking like that weird Geo Metro.
I am convinced this thought process is genetic in nature, not just to my family, but to girls in general. I remember being her age and wanting my mother to tie the sash around my dress extra tight so I would look like I had a "skinny waist". Mind you I was seven. Natalia told me a few years ago that she wanted a belly like the Disney princesses. I had to explain to her that these were just cartoons and no one should ever have a waist smaller than her head. Besides, where would you keep all your internal organs? I'm pretty sure Ariel has only two feet of bowels, which means she suffers from constant diarrhea. Poor Ariel.
Now, I am not shady about the fact that I have had plastic surgery. I don't think plastic surgery is any more fake than upgrading the exhaust system on my car. Is my car less of a Mustang because I now have a Flowmaster Super 44 exhaust system with chrome pipe tips? Hardly. As a mater of fact, it's pretty awesome and has a fabulous growl to it. That being said, I know there are people that totally overdo it and end up the equivalent of Geo Metro with too many "upgrades", so the car is strange at best. Natalia knows that I have had breast implants and I was honest in telling her why. I was a fully grown adult who could afford my modifications and wanted bigger boobs. Bottom line. I still love them and they look great, which in turn makes me feel a little more self confident. I would like to say that I feel fabulous on brains alone, but I'm a horrible liar.
The tricky part of raising a girl is the dance of inner beauty vs. outer beauty. I think both are important. I let her know that I work out to be healthy, but that I also like the way my body looks when I am consistent. It is important to be kind to people and take their feelings into consideration, but it is also important to look your best self when you are out and about. Please put emphasis on "your best self" which means ya work with what ya got.
Natalia and I have already had a conversation about body types and the difference between my body and hers. I have said many times over that Natalia is all Jeremy for looks, and all mommy for attitude. She is going to be much taller than me and her body has an athletic build to it. She is like Jeremy in that they both have natural muscle tone that they barely have to work for. I on the other hand would be a doughy concoction of bones and skin if I didn't work out. Natalia and I looked through one of my magazines and I explained to her that a lot of the models in the magazine were totally unhealthy and that all the pictures were lies anyway. With the advent of airbrushing and photo shopping, there are no real human pictures in magazines anymore. How odd is it that when a celebrity has their untouched photo in a magazine, that is the big heading. When did normal become so abnormal?
I'm hoping that coaching Natalia along the way will save me from trying to convince an emotional teenager that she is fine the way she is. Is she going to throw it in my face that I have had plastic surgery? Of course she is. Not only is she a proficient back talker already, but her memory is uncanny. I want her to be fit, hygienically sound and not look like she just rolled out of The Sanctuary. However, I do not want her to obsess and nit pick her looks constantly - like I do to myself. That is the hypocritical part. I don't want her to feel she has to say something negative about herself to fit in with girly banter in a crowd. All you girls know how it is. Heaven forbid you actually love something about your self. The other girls will think you are a conceited snob instead of someone who is content just the way she is. I'm not saying all girls are like this because some of us have evolved past high school. It's the bad apples who spoil it.
So Natalia, here is what mommy wants you to know: A pretty face and a cute body will only get you so far, and even that is short lived. Enjoy your beauty, but make sure you have the inner stuff to back up that gorgeous face. Your kindness will make your skin glow and a genuine smile is always your best accessory. Never hide your intelligence because you are afraid people will treat you differently. There is no reason why you can't be a knockout and a brainiac at the same time. Feel free to wear lip gloss and have your hair set while you are formulating how to split the atom. Being pretty does not make you dumb any more than being smart makes you dowdy. Make sure that you make life choices based on what it means to you, not to someone else. That is just sage advice all around, not just for looks. God made you just right, but I understand if you want to tweak a thing or two. Just remember not to go overboard. Not only are you beautiful just as you are, but you don't want to end up looking like that weird Geo Metro.
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