Once you get past about age two or three, you lose the crutch of those great baby books. Sure, there are parenting books out there all the way up to "How to Get Rid of Your 28 Year Old Squatter Child", but it's no longer broad spectrum cookie cutter behavior. Case in point: We all know babies learn to sit up at a certain age, go through some separation anxiety, and you cannot convince a toddler that the nightmare she just had about the store mannequin in her closet was not real (um, that was my issue as a child. Remember, this is a judgement free zone). There is no concrete, textbook way to deal with seven year old drama, social graces, friendship nuances or fashion faux pas. You gotta wing it sister because all those books out there are just someone's opinion. You can find one that supports the opinion you have already established, but seriously you might as well just save yourself the twelve bucks and just find a girlfriend who agrees with you. Even Natalia's second grade teacher, Mrs. Penney, is very patient with Jeremy and I when we give her desperate parent faces and say "We've never been through second grade before." Well, obviously we made it through second grade (damn you Ms. Dobson), but never on this end.
So, even though I think I have the best husband ever, there are days when there is unrest in Lacowland. Now, in my artful way of oversimplifying things, I have come to the conclusion that there are three basic schools of parenting when it comes to how parents deal with their children when there is civil unrest between the parental units. School number one: Pretend there is nothing wrong. The typical problem with this plan of action is the parents are either never around each other, or they are constantly wearing this creepy fake smile like the people in "The Further" from that movie "Insidious". Haven't seen the movie? OMG - Totally one of my fav's and you must go to a Redbox now and rent it. I'll wait for you while you watch it....... Amazing huh. Totally scary. Alright, back to the point. Kids are super intuitive and will see right through your shenanigans and this usually just stresses them out more. They know something is wrong, but no one is saying anything, but there is something definitely wrong. Obviously this is not how I roll.
The second school of thought is the other side of the spectrum. These are the parents who really just don't give a fig and get down and dirty in front of their kids. They scream, yell and say very unflattering things without using their adult filter. Parents - unless you have a lead lined, sound proof panic room or your kids are comatose when they sleep - they hear you. Another thing to think about is even if they are asleep, your words are invading their subconscious because YES THEY CAN HEAR YOU! Think about it. How much fun is it to mess with your sleeping angel while she is in the throws of slumber. Jeremy and I do this all the time. You go in and start asking her questions while she is sleeping because you get the most random answers. We usually do this until she gets mad and then we leave her alone. She's so cute. I also go in and give her subconscious positive affirmations while she is sleeping. Hokie, but I'll give her whatever upper hand I can. Besides, all the things I tell her are totally true.
Finally, there is the Shauna way. When Jeremy and I aren't agreeing, we do so when Natalia is out of the house and Jeremy and I are always respectful of each other, inside the fighting ring and out. I've already talked about that, so I'll spare you. Do I dump on Natalia? No way, she's my child, not my BFF. I can be her friend, but she cannot be mine. That's how I think the whole mommy/daughter thing should work. I do want her to know that Jeremy and I don't always get along and I have a good reason why. When she was little, I thought I wanted to shield her from any civil unrest that Jeremy and I may have. Then I thought about it as she was older and realized that was selling her a lie. What I really want her to know is that Jeremy and I are a stable unit and that she doesn't have to worry. I thought that if she thought everything was always copacetic between he and I that she wouldn't have to worry about us getting a divorce. My thinking evolved a little and I realized what I really want her to know is that Jeremy and I can disagree, be poopie to one another (respectfully) and keep it together in the end. I tell her that just like her playground posse, we don't always get along, but we are still friends. I think that's a better lesson. Oh, and she is never privy to disagreement discussion details. She's a child and adult conversations are none of her beeswax.
I do need to give some props to Jeremy for the past couple weeks. This blog was inspired because I have been in rare form, even for me. You see, I accidentally doubled up on my birth control, which is the Nuvaring. Now y'all can google the Nuvaring if you aren't familiar with that contraception, then laugh at me. Well, I did figure it out, corrected the situation, but I have had double the hormones on board for about two weeks. Now add that to a flood of hormones I normally get around this time and you can all get the mental image of me being totally labile and what I call "crazy pants". Women who have been pregnant understand how powerful hormones really are. It's creepy and frustrating. Because I have been in such a state, I actually sent Jeremy out of the house to poker night and told him to take his time, that's how bad it's been. Y'all know how possessive I usually am about my Jeremy time, so for me to give that up shows what a martyr I really am. Now that's true love. I am still riding this hormonal wave, but my amazing husband snuck into my work last night and brought me a balloon that said "Princess" on it. He loves me, in spite of me, high maintenance and all.
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