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For Natalia's homework this week she had to ask her parents what a few of our family "proverbs" are. Well, of course there is the "strawberry ice cream" one that I talked about a few blogs back, but then I added "beauty is pain". We use this one a lot in the mornings getting ready. Now, it isn't because I go all "Toddlers and Tiaras" on her, but we are growing out those bangs and to look and stay cute, I french braid them out of her face off to the side. That tiny twisting in the early hours of the morning is not always well received. It cracks me up that Natalia recited this proverb to her BFF Kayla when Natalia was staying the night at Kayla's house and Kayla was getting her hair done. Poor Kayla. Her hair tangles so easily and she has a ton of hair. Some beauty is more painful than others, because Kayla has beautiful hair.
Speaking of Natalia's BFF and beauty: One night while on the couch at our house, us three girls were sitting down watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and flipping through mine and Jeremy's old year books (we went to High School together). They were amazed he had hair and were fascinated by the "goth" kids. Natalia stated "I'm going to be goth." This made Kayla very upset. She explained that she is in no way allowed to hang out with goth kids who look like that because they are a bad influence. Natalia looked very puzzled and simply said "Well I would still be me, I would just wear black." Kayla insisted her parents would not understand. My next question was trying to figure out what they thought "goth" was. It really comes down to the hair and lipstick. Natalia said she would hold back on those and they went back to watching the bridal show and peace remained.
Natalia is finally at that point where I appreciate her sense of fashion, but I am starting to give her the tactful pointers that I know before the issues come up in the mall five years from now. I'm not going to play out any sort of teenage tantrum in front of Sephora or Forever 21. I figure I will start coaching her now before her friends do. I mean, the TV does enough coaching. Yikes. So these are some of the pointers I have rounded up:
Never wear a skirt where your butt touches the seat when you sit down. Also, if you have to constantly tug at the hem of your skirt when you get up, walk, or just stand there. It's too short. That 16 year old boy may think it's hot, but so does that 50 year old man in front of Pretzel Time. Ewwww.
You have to pick an asset to show off when you are older. You get either legs or shoulders (she's 8 and has no boobs yet, but you ladies know where I am going). If you are showing both, you are advertising. If your dress shows off your "shoulders", your hem should come to right above your knees.
This "pick one" rule goes for your face too. You either get eyes, or lips so you don't look like a painted lady. If you are easy on the eye makeup, pick a fun bright lip color. Smokey eye, keep the lip neutral and light. If there is too much you go back to looking like you are advertising. Oh, by the way, I got that term from my mom. Thanks mom. It's perfect.
One ring please. Oh dear Lord, don't put a bunch of rings on every finger unless you are about to fight someone. I'll leave it at that.
Nylons are so 1980's. Use spray makeup on your legs and wear underwear. Please. Wear some sort of underwear. God forbid you are in an accident and end up in the trauma bay at my work. I'm not saying we judge people for that, I'm just saying it is always surprising and there is this nano-second awkward pause when we are cutting clothes off and this is the missing element.
Mainly, just be yourself. I don't mind if you are "goth" as long as you are happy, well adjusted, keep a job and don't shoot heroin. I'll help you color strands of your hair and pick out black eye liner and agree that I probably don't understand at all because honestly I can't remember what it was like to be 8, so I'm not going to remember what it was like to be 16. Just know that your mind and body are sacred and a treasure to daddy and I. We made you, adore you, and will fiercely protect you if we see you trying to damage something we love so dearly. I happen to love black eyeliner and black clothes, so you can rest assured that will not scare me away or cause me to take you to American Eagle to swap everything for plaid and stripes. That being said, I stand by the above mentioned beauty rules fiercely and will go Joan Rivers Fashion Police on you if you attempt to break them.
Every mother knows that the only perspective that really matters is that of her beautiful child. We all know that the gossip coming out of our perfect cherub's mouth is accurate and true in every right. It is with this delusional knowledge that I have to tell you about the evil Princess Clara and her band of cronies who make my precious breath of perfection cry.
Evidently the new conspiracy theory club who solve such mysteries involving triangle people, telekinesis, mind readers and secret fairy activity amongst the mortal class was in fact started by Clara, but really there was a sister club started at Natalia's school, by Natalia at Silver Sage last year. Please try and stay with me. The world and your life may depend on this some day. Now that Natalia is at Christine Donnell, a new club was started with new members and the fight for good and truth is ongoing. Thank goodness Natalia believes in Jeremy and I enough to let us know about all this. Usually she thinks we are too dumb to keep up.
The problem is with Clara. She seems to have some mean girl tendencies which have reared their ugly head more than once. Now, I can totally sympathize with Natalia, because just like her, I want EVERYONE to like me and all get along. I don't care if you are a mean girl or not. I just want you to change your ways, like me and have some sort of "Full House" awakening moment to see the err of your ways. Yeah, that never happens, but I am a dreamer sort just like Natalia. My job is to try and teach her better, even if I can't always do better. What brought Natalia to tears yesterday was Clara telling Natalia that she and her BFF Kayla should not be friends. Now, why Natalia would get upset about this is beyond me because this is such a dumb suggestion. That's right. I said the "d" word, and I'll say it again. Dumb. Evidently it ruined Natalia's day and I blame it on boobies - as in Natalia is starting to get little booby nubs that I am so proud of because that is what moms get proud of. Loosing teeth, pooping, wiping their own butt, not eating their boogers and little boobies. We love that, but we hate that because she is very bipolar right now and probably for the next ten years. Yikes. At least she isn't boy crazy yet.
Okay, so what do we do about the Evil Clara. First of all - Clara is probably just as normal as Natalia and may even have booby nubs too. Who knows. Her mom may be blogging about the Evil Bossy Natalia who made the sweet Clara cry, but I doubt it. I'm just trying to be judicial, but I ain't no Saint. First of all, I listened. That's right! Go back a few blogs and check that stuff out! See, learning from my own fabulousness! Next, I waited to figure out what a normal person should say, not a mean mama bear. This was my answer in two minutes (that is all I have for her attention span) from my months of therapy:
"Baby, are you ever going to change how Clara thinks?"
"No." (proud mama fanning her face all beauty queen style for my smart girl)
"So here is my advice: You need to figure out how to not let Clara bother you because you will never change her. You just need to accept her the way she is. She doesn't get to pick your friends and she will never stop being who she is. You can't tell her that she is wrong. You can stop being around her, but you will probably lose a lot of friends around you that way. It's like me and my mom. My mom never changed, I had to change and she gets to stay who she is. Now we can talk and be happy because I just accept her the way she is and I don't expect her to be perfect. The best thing you can do is be a good example and stick up for those weaker than you."
"Well how do I do that?"
"That is for you to figure out inside your heart."
"That's hard. I love you mom. I'm hungry. Can I have some popcorn?"
See? Pretty nice. You know when you get to the food you have moved on from the problem and are back on track. She even turned the corner enough to make dinner for Jeremy and I for the first time EVER last night. It was awesome and no one called dinner "slop" that night.
You know when you are kind of stuck in the middle of something and you just can't see beyond your personal bubble? That is where I am right now. I'll glaze over the details for Natalia's sake, since this is her blog of her childhood.
Ooops, Mom's pregnant; well, maybe; well, yes; well, technically so, but the pregnancy never made it into the oven and there is blood in her belly; you have to go hang with Grandma while Mom has surgery, and Mom can't hug you for a while.
I'm still in the "a while" part of all this, waiting for the "ta-da! It's over!" part. Mentally I'm done with it all, I'm just waiting for my body to catch up.
So this has given me a lot of time on the couch with my laptop, and for the first time, some fierce writers block. I'm not usually the kind of girl who is at a loss for words, so this will be a brief one. I've decided to talk about what I want this year to look like for me as a mom, and since I didn't get the personal assistant I wanted for Christmas, I am doing on my own.
1. I am going to schedule mommy/daughter dates once a month. These are going to be special days where she and I make plans that no sleepover or impromptu comp. time shall render. We shall dress up in fabulosity and talk about superficial dumb stuff.
2. I am going to meet her for lunch once every three months at school. It is huge for her. I don't know why because she kind of ignores me the whole time to talk to her friends, but according to her it is a big deal.
3. We are going to post a weekly scripture for at least two months and then in all honesty the novelty will probably burn out, I'll get busy and it will fall by the wayside. But hey, two months is a good goal to start with. I even downloaded and app, that is how serious I am. Booo ya.
4. Once a week I am going to get up, damn the makeup and blog at a coffee shop. This one is really hard for me because I am terribly vain and look like I'm about to die when I am sans make up. Some of you are saying "Oh, it's not that big of a deal." Which my reply is either A: You don't live in a town as small as Boise where you ALWAYS run into someone you know or B: You look good without makeup. Whether A or B, you don't count. Sorry, but sit your naturally pretty, incognito butt down and tell me how proud you are of me for going out looking like I may harbor the plague. And if you ask me if I am ill, I will give you a look that will steal 10 years off your soul. Just avoid me, please.
Yep. That's all I have for right now, but it's a start. A fresh start to a new year.
