Beauty Rules and Goth Girls

For Natalia's homework this week she had to ask her parents what a few of our family "proverbs" are. Well, of course there is the "strawberry ice cream" one that I talked about a few blogs back, but then I added "beauty is pain". We use this one a lot in the mornings getting ready. Now, it isn't because I go all "Toddlers and Tiaras" on her, but we are growing out those bangs and to look and stay cute, I french braid them out of her face off to the side. That tiny twisting in the early hours of the morning is not always well received. It cracks me up that Natalia recited this proverb to her BFF Kayla when Natalia was staying the night at Kayla's house and Kayla was getting her hair done. Poor Kayla. Her hair tangles so easily and she has a ton of hair. Some beauty is more painful than others, because Kayla has beautiful hair.

Speaking of Natalia's BFF and beauty: One night while on the couch at our house, us three girls were sitting down watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and flipping through mine and Jeremy's old year books (we went to High School together). They were amazed he had hair and were fascinated by the "goth" kids. Natalia stated "I'm going to be goth." This made Kayla very upset. She explained that she is in no way allowed to hang out with goth kids who look like that because they are a bad influence. Natalia looked very puzzled and simply said "Well I would still be me, I would just wear black." Kayla insisted her parents would not understand. My next question was trying to figure out what they thought "goth" was. It really comes down to the hair and lipstick. Natalia said she would hold back on those and they went back to watching the bridal show and peace remained.

Natalia is finally at that point where I appreciate her sense of fashion, but I am starting to give her the tactful pointers that I know before the issues come up in the mall five years from now. I'm not going to play out any sort of teenage tantrum in front of Sephora or Forever 21. I figure I will start coaching her now before her friends do. I mean, the TV does enough coaching. Yikes. So these are some of the pointers I have rounded up:

Never wear a skirt where your butt touches the seat when you sit down. Also, if you have to constantly tug at the hem of your skirt when you get up, walk, or just stand there. It's too short. That 16 year old boy may think it's hot, but so does that 50 year old man in front of Pretzel Time. Ewwww.

You have to pick an asset to show off when you are older. You get either legs or shoulders (she's 8 and has no boobs yet, but you ladies know where I am going). If you are showing both, you are advertising. If your dress shows off your "shoulders", your hem should come to  right above your knees. 

This "pick one" rule goes for your face too. You either get eyes, or lips so you don't look like a painted lady. If you are easy on the eye makeup, pick a fun bright lip color. Smokey eye, keep the lip neutral and light. If there is too much you go back to looking like you are advertising. Oh, by the way, I got that term from my mom. Thanks mom. It's perfect.

One ring please. Oh dear Lord, don't put a bunch of rings on every finger unless you are about to fight someone. I'll leave it at that.

Nylons are so 1980's. Use spray makeup on your legs and wear underwear. Please. Wear some sort of underwear. God forbid you are in an accident and end up in the trauma bay at my work. I'm not saying we judge people for that, I'm just saying it is always surprising and there is this nano-second awkward pause when we are cutting clothes off and this is the missing element. 

Mainly, just be yourself. I don't mind if you are "goth" as long as you are happy, well adjusted, keep a job and don't shoot heroin. I'll help you color strands of your hair and pick out black eye liner and agree that I probably don't understand at all because honestly I can't remember what it was like to be 8, so I'm not going to remember what it was like to be 16. Just know that your mind and body are sacred and a treasure to daddy and I. We made you, adore you, and will fiercely protect you if we see you trying to damage something we love so dearly. I happen to love black eyeliner and black clothes, so you can rest assured that will not scare me away or cause me to take you to American Eagle to swap everything for plaid and stripes. That being said, I stand by the above mentioned beauty rules fiercely and will go Joan Rivers Fashion Police on you if you attempt to break them.