A Golden Compass: Faith for a Daughter to Make the Right Decisions

Have y'all seen this movie, "The Golden Compass"? We just watched it again as a family the other night. It actually has some pretty well known actors in it, like the James Bond guy, the voice of Gandalf as a polar bear, and Nicole Kidman. Yes, it is a bit hard to concentrate because I spent some time in quandary over her lips and trying to guess her mood based on a mostly expressionless face, but the movie is good. One spoiler: It leaves off with a sequel teaser but, there is never a sequel. It is based on a book so all you hipsters can go out and read it. I'm sure you already have while drinking out of a mason jar wearing a crocheted hat. 

Ok, point.... So each person has a "demon" which is her soul who is in an animal who hangs out with her. It's cute. I'd want mine to be something I'm not allergic to, because I have thought this out. There is this little girl who has a "demon" who won't settle in to just one animal and she is given this golden compass. Now, this sassy little girl has a really conservative "demon", and acts as her voice of reason. She tries to listen to him (yes him), but the sassy usually wins out. She is the only one who knows how to read the golden compass that was given to her. It is coveted since it can tell you the truth to any question one would like to ask. Of course, there is more to the story, like people trying to kill an 11 year old, but for my purposes we will stick with this. Ok, hold this in the back of your mind for a bit.

Natalia is a social girl, but she is totally Jeremy when it comes to social circles. It is an itty, bitty little circle at best. Seriously, she is all about quality, not quantity. While this sounds very Pinterest quotes page, it's not. Not when you are in fourth grade. I even introduced her to a couple of new girls and a tough game of two square at lunch recess to help her branch out. Yes, it was a bit of a helicopter mom moment, but I have my reasons. 

So here is the thing and I have to put this very gently because I adore the parents of Natalia's friends. They are really good people. Natalia has two main friends, and like all children, they have a couple of quirks here and there. It's not that these are earth shattering, but when your daughter will only really hang out with these couple of girls, these quirks become more of a "standard of friendships". Oh please mommies, tell me you understand what I am saying?!

This has lead to some great conversations over some tears. She has had to take some breaks from these friends (her idea). What amazed me was that she came to me with some behaviors or conversations that made her uncomfortable. This is that compass I was telling you about. See, I believe as moms and dads we slowly set up our own golden compass and when the time is right, we pass that on to our children to read on their own. As in, without our coaching or butting into two square games at lunchtime. I have handed off this compass and am just watching to see what she does with it. Okay, how about some examples:

Natalia is what I would consider a mild hoarder. She calls it "collecting", but I

love to throw things away, so I call it hoarding. Her teacher used to ask her to clean out her desk during down time, but it would make such a mess from trying to clean it out that Mrs. M would just find something else for Natalia to do instead. One day I came to school armed with dollar store supplies and we got is straightened out, threw away the rocks and acorns (I'm not kidding) and I thought we were good. Evidently she is not in remission. She had this project she promised to finish and didn't because she lost it in the dark abyss of her desk. Mrs. M was mad, sent Jer and I an email and as consequences, Natalia had to go in early to school and apologize personally to her teacher for breaking her promise and explain how she was going to fix the situation. This was to fine tune the moral compass. It was one of those moments of full ownership and being humble without humiliation. Her teacher is the sweetest person in the world and very unassuming. Now if it had been her first grade teacher, I wouldn't have done this. Her first grade teacher was a bona fide Ms. Viola Swamp.

Next moment to shine was practically an after school special. Natalia was riding home on the bus and her friend (one of the two) was being so mean to another girl on the bus. Natalia was really upset because the little girl was in a grade or so lower than them and had done nothing to provoke the verbal beat down she was getting. Knowing she may lose her friend, Natalia spoke up for the little girl, called her friend out and told her she was being a bully. Ok, so I'm not living on the planet "My Child is Awesome-sauce" thinking that this all went down verbatim of how Natalia told it. She sounded awfully brave and rehearsed a few days later when she told me, but I do know that she spoke up for this girl. She wouldn't make that up. A lot of times I'll call her out on her grandeur recall. This one I let alone. I am so guilty of having futuristic confrontations that play out in dramatic ways in my head all the time when I feel like I have to take care of something or call someone out. I am so not cool or that articulate. It sounds good in front of my mirror while my hair is setting in rollers.

Natalia and I were hanging out in the food court at the mall, eating some Panda (as in Express, not the animal in case you think Boise is uber exotic) and we got on the subject of unruly teenage girls because we heard a girl yelling at her mom in the phone and then call her mom back crying "Why did you hang up on me?!" So once we stopped laughing at this dramatic display I told her that daddy and I trust her because she has never given us reason not to trust her. We believe in her and her ability to either make decisions or come to us for help if she feels overwhelmed or confused. It is hard to discern sometimes if she is listening to me or ignoring me while she is stealing the orange chicken off my plate, but then she looks up at me and says "I love you. You're the best mom ever. Can we go try on makeup at Sephora?" I'm pretty sure that was code for she was totally listening. 

So there is my analogy of the golden compass. That inner voice to guide her along the way. That one that will say "I know he doesn't really want to watch a movie in his bedroom" when she is dating, or the one that says "meth ruins teeth and lives". Sometimes I'm happy that she is a seat belt Nazi, stands up against bullying and is a serious recycler. One day I am going to grow up to be just like her.