Grace Under Fire: What to do with Cyber Bullies

I am going to graze over most of the details regarding what happened on my facebook account, because really, it was quite silly. Seriously, it is facebook. I think it is sad that now days it is more socially acceptable for people to post

pictures of their genitals on social media than it is to state their opinion about any current events. Instead of my usually selfie shots with Natalia or random animals at a petting zoo, I posted my opinion (gasp!) regarding how skewed the newspaper stories are from real events. Someone from the depths of my "friends" base took this opportunity to state my political stance for me (all false) and call me all sorts of names, defame my character, speak on behalf of all my friends stating that I had offended and shamed them (she doesn't even know my friends), and call me all sorts of unlady-like names. 

I tried at first to let her know that I agreed with some of her opinions regarding some of the issues, but let her know that she didn't know what she was talking about (she admitted she hadn't read the news article). Then when things got ugly I had a choice: fight back with words, or put an end to things. Of course anyone's first instinct when someone is defaming your character is to defend yourself, but I realized that this person really didn't know me at all. Who was I defending myself to? People who know my character know that I'm really not a very complicated person and a terrible poker player. Seriously, I'm the girl who confiscates the rolls of bubble wrap from the deliveries, line it up on the floors in empty patient rooms for us to roll on when we need to blow off steam at work. I'm a a simple kind of gal. So I chose to shut it down. I did call her out for the bully she was being and who I knew her to be in the 6 years I worked with her, but told her that the discussion was over. Then I had another choice- to block, or not to block? That was the question.

I chose not to block and here is my reason. First of all, I do not have the self confidence of Narcissus and the things that she wrote of course hurt my feelings. That was her point and she is good at what she does. When I sat back though I was able to recognize a few things. First, I saw that she probably was someone who was really hurting and angry. The things she was saying really had nothing to do with me personally, she was just trying to make it about me as a sounding board to vent. Second, If I let her keep posting, she would show this very public forum her own character without me having to write a word. It's like that old saying "If you give someone enough rope, they will hang themselves." She did. 

This is a really good learning experience not only for me, but also for Natalia. As awesome as we know our daughters to be, at some point there is going to be a mean girl in her midst wanting to give her a smack down. I don't think she is old enough for me to tell her about this one yet because it is a little mature for her world right now. I am just going to tuck this in my back pocket for the time being. I pray all the time that God moves my sorry ass out of the way and makes all sorts of opportunities for people to see Him instead of me. Now if I had ranted on, defended, rallied friends against, poked fun of her, blah, blah, blah..... That would have been all me. Nah. This is better. It was easier for me to step out of the way and let God handle the details. There is a little peace knowing that the people who know and love me know what I am about. Hey, I even ended it with a Dr. Seuss quote: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." I was afraid at first of looking weak by being silent, but it turns out that I don't feel weak at all. 

I would love for Natalia to use her voice to build people up, not cut people down because voices are so powerful. The ones on this thread that stood at my defense never lowered themselves to her spite. I love that. It is a good lesson for Natalia to always surround yourself with the people who you would like to emulate. The people who build you up, are interested in your victories and realize that we all have shortcomings. Always feed the positivity in your life, never the ugly beasts of jealousy and hate. It is just as important for you to have people in your life who will hold you accountable when "the fear" creeps in and you use your voice in a not so good way. I hope this person has good friends like that, to lovingly tell her that this is not the way to talk to people. That is what I would expect from my friends and don't you know they have had to do that in the past. Sometimes I've been a little too vain, a bit too dramatic, a tad too self absorbed. The ones who really love you will kindly give you a reality check. 

Okay, last quote:

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place." - Kurt Vonnegut