The Courage to Put Down the Mascara Wand

Three years!! Three years since I posted on this blog. I know why, but it's stupid reasons. Yes, I was in school, then a noob at work, but most of all it was a hurtful thing a co-worker said on FB probably 7-ish years ago. She wasn't even a friend, but called my mom-blog stupid. Sometimes mean playground words still affect me. Another post, another time.

Today is a big step for me. I am not putting on ANY makeup. I'm not all that brave since it's my day off, but I might go out.... You see, I usually put on a full face of makeup even on my days off when I know I'm not going anywhere. Some of the reasons are because it's fun and relaxing for me. Like coloring, but on my face. The other reason is because I really just hate the way I look all naked faced. I am a natural blond, so my eyebrows/eyelashes are blond too. This means without makeup I look terminal with my invisible eyelashes. Also, people underestimate the power of eyebrows! Google "celebrities without eyebrows" where people have photoshopped them off. I'll wait here.

See! It's a thing! My last point of this vain "whine time" is my skin looks pretty bad. Like, not deep acne cysts like I had in my 20's, but the scars are there. An autoimmune disease takes care of the rest with a red rash across my nose that spreads it's lovely wings when my body decides, well, when it decides it just wants to.

Okay, so there are some naturalist ladies in my circle who look beautiful with or without makeup who may not get where I'm coming from. None of my quirks mean I think people without makeup are terminal looking or dull au naturale. The only subscriber to my issues is me. Evidently it's also an expensive subscription. Y'all know I'd go full Botox and fillers if I could somehow justify it. Not "Real Housewives" level, but just a touch.

Okay, so where am I going with this. Somewhere, I promise.

Natalia had homecoming last weekend and this was the first time she has gone with a "real date".
She's a sophomore and has a boyfriend. He's not bad for a boy that Jeremy and I automatically think is driven by hormones and after our beautiful daughter! He's actually respectful and kind. Jeremy has shelved the taser for now.

Of course I did Natalia's makeup that night and it was so on pointe. But she looks really beautiful in the morning with just her bare face and stinky breath. Is it because she is one of those genetically creepy kids who look profoundly beautiful
instead of the normal teen awkwardly beautiful? No, although she is beautiful and I like her face. It's because I love her and she's funny and I want to be like her some day when I grow up. She and her boyfriend have been a "thing" for 10 months now. She has never changed anything about herself during that time. Never was motivated to brush her teeth every morning, brush her hair, remember deodorant, etc from the beginning. Someday I'll have to explain her "homeless chic"
style of dress. Maybe I don't have to explain it, actually. She's just herself and expects her BF to like her as-is. She told me one time she doesn't want to do the hair and makeup thing because she wants people to know her first for who she is, not what she looks like. My shallow mom heart felt some shame in her wisdom. Most of the time I'd rather people just see a pretty (old, ha!) face while I hide behind the smoke and mirrors of contouring and lip gloss. Ignore the lady behind the curtain. Or Optimus Prime helmet. Or the T. rex costume.

I have a lot of respect for Natalia, even at age 15. She doesn't believe there is an invisible panel of judges that follow her and questioning her choice of dress, how her skin looks, is she smiling enough to counter that RBF. Natalia has challenged me to go without makeup a few times. I do it on occasion, but I feel awful. Vulnerable. Foreign. I'm thankful that Natalia hasn't taken on my need to front. Instead, I am learning way more from her. I'm going to resist the urge to put on mascara. Natalia, my guru.