Etiquette by Eight

I really like Natalia. I know most parents adore and love their children, but even if she wasn't my child, I'd still like hanging out with her. I remember when I was taking my pediatrics course in nursing school one of the books stated all the morals and manners imparted on your child need to be instilled before age eight. Let that sink in for a moment - age eight! Being the overly conscientious mother that I am, I have had this in the back of my mind since the day she was born.

This is the reason why I won't let her run up the slide when there are other kids on the playground. When she's the only kid on the play set, have at it. Being the little rule follower that she is, she used to get so upset when other kids weren't as polite during play time. She would come running to me to tattle, and thus began another difficult lesson: I am the mommy of one, not all. It was unnerving for her to learn that the world does not live by one universal standard. I would still throw a stink eye at the mother with the unruly child, but she was usually on a cell phone with no clue of her own voice volume, let alone what her child was up to. See - these playground morals are the basis for adult living.

So, I have one more year to drill home the morals I think she should live by. Sometimes I feel like I am cramming for a final exam. After age eight, she is going to make decisions based on her own personal morality system. I have to just stand back and watch. I'll guide her if she asks - but it's really all up to her.

My clues that I have been doing a good job are as follows: Natalia knows the difference between an art museum and a playground. We were there for two hours yesterday enjoying the shoe exhibit and painting in the family section. She knows to keep her voice dialed on low and not to touch anything. This was difficult even for me when we got to the piece made of ballet shoes, resin, honeycombs and bronze. It was hard not to reach out and touch all those textures. We both showed restraint and discussed whether or not we could get away with a quick touch. Then the suit guy who works there strolled past and we moved on. Bummer. 

I love the fact that Natalia will order for herself at a restaurant when we go out. Of course we have taught her the "please and thank you's" of life, but she knows how to speak to adults and to ask for what she wants. It's hard for her sometimes because she expects people to be mind readers. No, the balloon sculptor did not know that she had been eyeing the pink balloon crown for 45 minutes while we waited for a table at a Mexican restaurant. The waiter, however, knew the second we sat our tired bottoms on the booth because Natalia politely asked the waiter to send the balloon guy over. Jeremy and I were so proud (and giggling) because this required no coaching on our part. Up until that point, she usually wanted Jeremy and I to do the asking for her. She got her pink and purple balloon tiara that night, and even handed the guy a tip for doing such a good job. Okay, we did help her out with the tip part. It's not like she's a big baller flashing money around.

As Natalia gets older I can see a glimpse of who she will be as an adult. I like what I see. She is the kind of person who I would pick to have as a friend. She freely passes out compliments, calls me out when I have regressed into a toddler state of mind, and she is easy to be around. All children drive us crazy at some point during the day, but on the whole, she is already an amazing person. My next step will be trust, as in "I trust that I've done all I can to cram in the basics". Eight years is not very long when you think about it. Especially with children who are kind of just blobs of lovin' until age three. I have one more year and then I'll be required to cut another apron string and see what she can do. The mistakes will break my heart while I watch her struggle, but seeing her be her own person will more than make up for it. My love and pride for her are the super glue that fill in the cracks and keeps my life full. I will always love her unconditionally, but I am glad that I like her too.