A lot of being Queen of the Motherhood has to do with being the wife of my darling husband. I'll spare you the birds and the bees talk, but my relationship with Jeremy is the sole reason for her precious soul ending up here in the first place. I know this may rock your world, but sometimes there is civil unrest in Lacowland. "What?!", you say! "Shut the front door! I don't believe it!" Believe it , sister. Now that Jeremy and I have been friends for twenty years, together for seventeen and married for thirteen (yes, I am proud of our numbers), we have our fighting stance down to an art form. The short of it boils down to this: we go to our corners, grow back up, then talk it out. Well, sometimes we pass notes like we did in high school. Hey, this is what works for us, don't judge.
Our story begins with a scam, and I'll tell you what, she had me at Disney. We'll call her Talent Tabby. You see, I told Natalia that I would look into "acting stuff" after she got such a kick out of theater camp this summer. While I was googling my heart out, I came across a legit looking "talent agency" website with multiple branches, listed with the Better Business Bureau, and a bunch of other stuff that frankly just set off my ADD. Just for kicks, I filled out an application and submitted a picture of my little boogerface. A month later I got a call back, we had our interview and the woman loved Natalia (Seriously! Who doesn't?). Talent Tabby liked Natalia so much that she wanted her to have pictures done right away so she could start promoting her in a couple of projects she had coming up for back to school promos. She knew just the photographer and it would only cost us $475. Wait, no $325.
Okay, so now all of you are seeing what I was clearly not seeing when I walked out of her office. Talent Tabby also told me that Disney makes their "made for TV movies" in Salt Lake City and she thought Natalia had that "Disney" look, but just needed some experience under her belt. I am not challenged so much that I don't know Natalia eventually will need head shots if this is something she wants to do, however, she should not have needed them within two days of meeting Talent Tabby. I know, I know.... you are all seeing the scamishness unfolding. I see it too.... now. Totally not the point of the blog, so I'm moving on because it's my blog and I'm totally embarrassed that I was almost taken for a ride.
I was so excited to bring this news to Jeremy. I wanted him to hear me out, listen how we could get a return on our money and how excited Natalia was about all the things Talent Tabby told us. Nothing but crickets, then "We don't have $500 right now". "It's not $500, it's $475, but now has been lowered to $325". Then he gives me that look. It's the one he uses when he's working and all serious and his face looks slightly grey, but not grey like he's going to pass out. "Isn't this the same thing we made fun of your sister for when she was 'trying to be a model' and they took a bunch of money from her and she never did anything with it?" Ouch. I knew right then it was a scam. I also knew right then by the way we were talking to each other that this was not the way we usually discuss decisions. There was something else going on and we were needling each other trying to pick a fight. So far we were doing a fabulous job because I, for one, was clearly getting all fired up.
I hate inefficient fighting. My tactical version of unearthing the root cause was comical, now that I look back on it. It was like this strange screaming version of speed dating, where you list out all your positive attributes and why that person should pick you, but to someone who already HAS picked you. But the scam was what got us back on track in the way of us annoying each other enough to propel ourselves into the real issue. Here's what started the derailment:
I had been required to pick up overtime at work and there was a two week period where I barely saw Jeremy. Remember that "love language" blog? Yep. Our quality time silent treatment bit us in the behind. This topped with some unfinished projects that have been stressing Jeremy out as well and - Kaboom. The perfect catalyst for the yearly Jeremy/Shauna fight. It's kind of like spring cleaning. Okay, ready for the parenting part? Natalia had no idea we were not getting along. No, my little Disney kid is not obtuse, it's just that Jeremy and I always remain respectful to each other, no matter what. Okay, so they are painfully polite, minimal conversations; but to her there never was any civil unrest or insecurity. You see, when Jeremy and I aren't getting along we "go to our corners", grow up, and meet in the middle when we can talk to each other like normal humans again. This sometimes takes quite a few attempts and a few days. Oh, then there are the occasional notes we have to write so we can edit ourselves, but the hardest part is always extending the olive branch.
I talked to Natalia today about what had happened since she walked into the garage when Jeremy and I were extending olive branches. I was crying and we told her we needed some "two time". In the discussion we had later I told her that when daddy and I were "fighting", we never said mean things to each other, but it was the tone he and I were using when we were talking to each other that needed to be fixed. I also told her that sometimes when we get mad at our friends, or when our friends don't see things our way, we need time apart to try and see their side. I took a day and decided, yep. I am getting scammed. Dammit! I hate it when he's right. What's worse (almost), is that he'll never throw it in my face. He just gives me a hug and a kiss and moves on. I'm hoping that through us, she'll learn to fight like a grown up and find someone who knows how to do the same. I swear the key to a good marriage is learning how to fight. It has taken us a long time to get here, but we are better people, a better couple, and better parents for it. This wasn't some Christmas miracle that came to be, there was a sprinkling of professional counseling involved and y'all know how I love those self help books.
So, this initiated a family meeting this week about what a scam is, why people do it (because they are horrible humans), and that it is okay to be disappointed. I let Natalia know that daddy and I are friends and, like all friends, sometimes we don't get along. The important thing is for us to be nice to each other even when we would rather be snotty, and to step away so we can be a better listener. When it comes to the acting thing, well, she'll always be my little actress and God can throw any opportunity He wants her way. I certainly don't want her to be the next LiLo. Just look at her. Lindsay started out all Disney, and now - she can't even push cans of spray tan for a couple of bucks. My dreams for Natalia are bigger than that.
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