My Grace is Sufficient

I had a very deep conversation with a very dear friend last night - all while watching the not so deep season finale of Real Housewives of Miami. You know a conversation is going to be good when you have been drinking vanilla vodka Italian creme sodas and have to qualify the topic with "Don't think I'm a nut, okay!?". The conversation went as follows: There are a few poignant times in my life when I know God has answered a prayer or has tried to get my attention. Since my head is not 4G, the reception is hit or miss. 

When Jeremy and I moved here I was set on having another child. I dreamed of how fun it would be to meet another Jeremy/Shauna genetic concoction, and to share that experience with Natalia. Since I was so worried all the time when I was pregnant with Natalia, I missed out on making it fun and exciting. I wanted another chance to enjoy it all. Here was the problem: I would have to sacrifice my relationship and time with Jeremy in order to fulfill this dream. Since I am totally in love with my guy, the known person won out over the unknown person we could have created.

I prayed. Oh how I prayed. I will also be honest and tell you that I prayed God would do things my way, how I wanted it, and fix my little universe to revolve around my master plan. I'm sure God just LOVES being told what to do, when to do it, and how to get it done. The bottom line is He said 'no'. Now, I am not prone to auditory hallucinations, but I do think He will plant the seed of a thought that ya just can't shake. I kept thinking of the verse "My grace is sufficient" (2 Corinthians, 12:9). That struck a cord because Natalia's middle name is Grace and I realized I was being told 'no'. I was pissed. It's okay because He is God and can handle it. Also, He was right. My little Grace is sufficient. 

After I got done feeling sorry for myself and throwing tantrums, I just gave into the 'no'. The hardest part was getting rid of her baby gear. I put on my big girl pants and cleaned and organized all her precious, memory filled baby stuff to get it ready for its exodus. Then I realized it is just stuff, even if it was super happy stuff. Another plus is I love getting rid of things and throwing out the old. I am severly anti-clutter. It borderlines on a disease, but hey, all our electrical cords look fabulously organized in individual ziplock bags and I know where everything is in my house. If I don't know where it is, it no longer exists in Lacow Land.

Garage sale season was my opportunity to at least get some cash from my heartbreak. The fabulous part is I got to meet the families who wanted her things. One couple was recently married, so excited about trying to start a family and in love with Natalia's crib bedding. I was too. I knew that my treasures were going to good homes. The crib went to a friend of mine from work. I was amazed at how liberating it was to move on. While I loved the baby stage, I love every stage with the current one included. Getting rid of her old gear cleared out not only my garage, but also my head. I stopped planning for a new addition and started really enjoying Natalia. I know I am a bit of a "helicopter parent", but I also know that I only get to go through this one time. I appreciate her childhood more and know that when she is going through her backtalking, know everything, nailpolish on the carpet, wake me up every hour phase - I don't have to do it again with her sibling. It helps me be a bit more patient and remember that my Grace is sufficient.