I have never laughed as hard or as often in my life before I was a mom. Natalia has given me a new perspective of the world around me. More than that, she has opened Jeremy and I up to a new vocabulary. Tonight she told me she loves my "blobs". She meant "blogs", but when I think about it, it sounds like a new nickname for boobs. She says some of the most funny things, but in the past two years she gets upset when we "laugh at her". I have explained (many times) that she just makes us so happy that we have to laugh. She just gives me one of her looks and tells me she doesn't like it when we laugh at her.
When Natalia was two my Grandpa Derr (whom I was very close to) died. Thinking that she wouldn't remember anything because she was so young, we brought her to the funeral and sat in the back of the church. As my friend Melinda would say "she is an old soul", so there was lot of explaining that took place about death, our spirit, and heaven. Around that same time Natalia got her first pet. It was a goldfish she named Monkey George. Natalia (and I) got a little overzealous with feeding Monkey George. Who knew that goldfish are like donkeys and will eat until their stomachs explode if the food is available? Natalia knew that Monkey George had died and "gone to heaven". Unfortunately she accidentally caught me dropping Monkey George into the toilet to make his celestial departure. Natalia looked into the toilet very concerned and asked if heaven was in the toilet and if her poop goes to heaven too? She was very concerned that Grandpa Dirt (Derr) was also in the toilet (with the poop and goldfish). This opened up the discussion of septic tanks, water purification, and how people's bodies are like cars and the soul is the driver. This also set back my potty training efforts a couple weeks.
A few years ago I was getting into the shower while she played Barbies on the floor. She looked at me and asked why my belly was big. I told her that all mommies' bellies get bigger after they have a baby. Her eyes became wide and she asked "Like magic?". I couldn't help but laugh and said "Yep. Just like magic." Before that day I never thought of my belly pooch as magical. I just needed a new perspective. I also needed a gym membership.
Some of the things she says become catchy outside the family circle, like Natalia's units of measurement. I have heard one of my dear friends at work use the measurement "like five miles". Natalia uses this form of measurement for hunger and pain - "I am five miles hungry" and "it hurtses five miles much". This amount of pain is usually accompanied by what I call the sad clown face. Half moon eyes and that long frown clowns paint on their faces. It'll break your heart and make you giggle all at the same time.
Taylor Swift would love Natalia's improvisational skills on her song "You belong to Me". The other girl in the song wears high heels, but Taylor sells sneakers. There was also something about a butcher, but since I can't remember the exact placement you will just have to take my word on it. Shirley Manson of Garbage would be pleased to know that her lyrics now say "I think I'm paranoid, constipated". Hey, I keep track of Natalia's bowel movements like any other good mom, so the word constipated was introduced to her years ago. Since it can be painful, I understand why someone would start being paranoid about it.
I wish I had kept better track of all the laughter provoking things she has said in the past. I love that she has such a silly sense of humor. There is nothing sarcastic or mean spirited - just plain old silly stuff that all kids laugh at. I love how she calls it like it is: "Mommy, I just saw someone cigaretting! You need to go tell her she is going to die!"
From this day forward I promise to be better at capturing "The World According to Natalia".
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