Like any good Christian, I have a lot of guilt. I'm sure God didn't plan on things that way. That's why he sent Christ, right? He figured out we are all a bunch of rotten children running amok, so he gave us divine grace which is our get out of hell free card. Now, before you click out of this one just know I am not on a spiritual conversion rampage - there is a parenting point.
Last night Natalia was telling me about a couple of her friends that were going to get baptized. I was kind of excited that she brought it up, since I had no idea how to broach the subject. This is when I started to feel guilty and a little in the hot seat. All mom's know the times when important questions are voiced from our mini me that will shape their thinking. Parents also know that our kids have remarkable memories when it comes to this stuff. Not so much when it comes to "who left the my little pony fruit snack wrappers on the couch?" or "did you put your library book in your book bag to return?" These are such stupid questions since Natalia is an only child. No wonder she thinks Jeremy and I are senile, but I digress.
I asked her if she knew what it meant to be baptized. She told me that in the Kingdom Hall (my in-laws are Jehovah's Witnesses) that people have to be able to answer a bunch of questions. Again, I'm now feeling guilty that we haven't gone to church regularly to show her what I believe. I let her know in my long mommy explanation way that being baptized was like getting married. Because of the delicious potato pancakes I made for dinner, I wasn't wearing my wedding ring. This was the only tangible symbol I could think of on the fly. I told her that not wearing the ring didn't mean that I was no longer married to daddy, it was just a symbol of a promise to love him and be friends with him forever. This is my take on baptism. It is a promise to God and a marriage into His family. How simple is that! I didn't have to take a test to marry Jeremy. I didn't have to pretend to be married first to see if I could keep my promise. We just did it. We believed in how much we love each other and practiced the promise after it was made.
I want Natalia to be spiritual. I want her to understand that there is something greater than her that loves her and will guide her when I can't. I want her to know that Greater Spirit guides me when she comes to me for help. Again - this goes along with the "God, please don't let me freak out, please don't let me freak out...." So my to-do list got longer this week. I don't think being a member of a church should be a requirement to be a member of God's family, but I will research the hoops we need to jump through. I want to go all out with this while Natalia is interested and while faith comes easy. Maybe this will rev up my faith a bit. I mean, seriously. How divine is it to have her in my life?
She reminds me every day that God listens to me sometimes, and ignores me others for my own good. I'm glad He ignored my request to undo my pregnancy. She came at what I thought to be a very inopportune time. It wasn't. It was perfect timing and the best thing ever. The whole thing was five miles amazing and I love every second of it. It is this reason that I picked Grace as her middle name. Something I couldn't earn, don't deserve, but God gave me anyway. Even if I am a rotten child running amok.
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