I'll Take My Mistake Well Done, Please

Natalia's latest and greatest extracurricular activity is basketball and this has been her favorite by far. Better than gymnastics, karate, dance, waaay better than swimming since her eyebrows stay dry. Not only is she tall for her age, but you would think with her still always running and being on her toes she would be a natural sprinter. Well, not so much. In fact it is a blast watching her out on the court because she is having such a great time that she will spontaneously break out into a twirl here and there. It's like her own little happy dance just for being part of the team. Meanwhile the game is kind of going on without her. Oh well - she's more artsy than sporty and she's having fun... most of the time.

I was so totally stoked on a Saturday morning because it was the first time I got to watch her practice. She was all decked out in her maroon and sparkly silver jersey with her kicky pony tale and Nikes. You should have seen her defense. She was all over that girl like a spider monkey - jumping up and down, waving her arms, sticking to that girl all over the court. There was one problem. Natalia was doing everything she could to stay away from the ball. She seriously didn't want to have anything to do with it. Now, last time I checked, the game was called Basketball with an emphasis on the spherical orange object itself. She obviously liked the game Blond Defender much better. None the less, I was still the mom laughing too loud, taking too many pictures, and clapping at every move during a practice session for the "non-competitive Jesus-loves-us basketball program". I'm sure they all figured out that she's an only child.

After practice I told her how great her defense was, told her about cellular demise from dehydration when she refused to drink water, realized she needed to start wearing deodorant before basketball, and asked her what was up with not wanting the ball. This is when my heart broke a bit. She told me that she didn't want the ball because she was afraid she would try to shoot and miss. Ugh. She didn't want to try because she was afraid of making a mistake and said that she thought I would be upset. Well I felt like scum mother dog poop maggot slime.

I lied, because that is what scum mother dog poop maggot slimers do. Well, I didn't exactly lie all the way, I just exaggerated the truth a bit. Are you laughing yet because I am just digging myself deeper, aren't I? Okay, I told her that out of the eight shots that were thrown by the girls, only two made it. I totally made that up because number four is this basketball child prodigy (and she's white!) who can practically throw mid court and make a three pointer. She is messing up my bell curve and my pep talk, so I left her out of my figures. Thankfully Natalia wasn't paying attention to her either (probably because she was too busy dancing and spinning during practice) and felt better that everybody is new to this. So we set some goals. Her goal was to take control of the ball, throw it and miss the basket as much as she can. Yep, miss it. Why? Because then she won't be scared of that horrible monster named Mistake that has her fretting at night and unable to wind down for bed.

My girlfriend Lani and I were having a discussion this week about the difficulty of not stepping in to help your child. As moms we are so used to doing and fixing and solving, but then when they are in the older toddler stage like her little Lael, you have to start backing up and letting them figure it out. Oh, my chest and stomach tighten up just thinking about her predicament. As we talked Lani's nose wrinkled up in that sour "I know I should, but I don't want to" kind of way. It sucks and it is so much harder than just jumping in and fixing it. But then you have to think of the long term: Let them figure out how to manage their own problems now before there are situations that lead to things like "clear blue easy" problems in the future. Yeah, you won't be anywhere near that inner dialogue then so they better have some pretty sound reasoning skills laid out ahead of time. And you just thought it was playground stuff! Okay, let's all pause and get a drink........

What I need now is to figure out a way to show Natalia that I want her to make mistakes, but only if she has tried her best. I don't care if she misses the basket as long as she has gone for the ball. I was more disappointed that she never tried because she was afraid of a failure that never had a chance to even happen. What kills me the most is I am near tears right now because I am the same way. There are times when I have put something off until the last moment because I have doubted my abilities, so I was afraid to start. The book I wrote for Natalia was one of them. I have been wanting to write that book for her for four years, but I was afraid it would turn out so amateur. Now I am afraid to send it to a publisher because of the rejection. Oh pot, thou art black.

Okay, okay. I'll be honest with Natalia about my fears because the best way for her to see that mistakes are okay is to see me make them. We'll even pinkie swear on trying new things, because pinkie swears are a big deal. I know I like order, neatness and perfection, but she really needs to know that somedays I forget to brush my teeth running out the door, I hurt people's feelings because I am mean and sometimes I am too afraid of failure to try. You know what she'll tell me? "Mommy, being brave doesn't mean you aren't scared. It means you are scared and do it anyway." Why? Because that's what I have been telling her all these years and she's super smart. She's all that and a bag of chips.