'Twas the Night Before Christmas

I think I love Christmas because I am really a theme junkie. It helps me focus if I have a theme. Parties, vacations, decorating, holidays... whatever. I love a theme. Except Valentines Day. I'm not sure why, but that day annoys me to no end. Just writing that makes me angry, and Jeremy gets me cute cards and gifts, so it's not like he ruined it for me or anything. Lovable theme or not, all holidays come with baggage and pressure. A big problem has been this adult space/time continuum thing. No one adequately explains that the older and happier you get, the faster time goes. Now I say things like "only three months" and genuinely panic because it is just never enough time. Christmas snuck up on me like a ninja. I even had it on my Google calendar, dammit!

This year for Christmas I got a little over zealous, but I think I pulled it off and the only casualty was the Christmas cards (which I still totally blame on Snapfish who ruined my timeline). Thank goodness I have a little girl who loves to be as crafty as I am because she is now at the age where she is actually helpful instead of an adorable disaster. She loves a theme too so we make quite a team. Together we made Christmas goodies, but most importantly we made the goodies presentable. For her big Christmas present this year I redecorated her room and she helped roll on the paint with me and my friends from work. Yes it would have been cool to go all Extreme Makeover with it and keep it a secret until Christmas, then have this grand unveiling; but who am I kidding. I barely pulled all this off. Oh, I also wrote and illustrated a children's book just for her. Yeah, I went a little over board this year. By the way, both turned out fabulous.

Since it is Christmas Eve and I had to work, Jeremy and Natalia came by the ER to visit and drop off some cookies and coffee. Natalia brought her new toy - a pretty awesome remote control helicopter which she is already better at maneuvering than me. That's one of the perks of weekend nights in the ER - you can get away with some quasi controlled shenanigans. It was hilarious watching this helicopter fly around the nurses station and all of us laughing and ducking while she and I were trying to control the kamikaze. It's a good thing that sucker is tough. Natalia also got to pick out a gift from the box of toys that the paramedics had dropped off earlier. She and I sat on the floor rummaging through wrapped toys because you can't just make a rash decision when it comes to stuff like this. You really have to consider your options.

I can't even begin to explain how it feels to be at work where it is so busy and nerve wracking, then to suddenly have a piece of home with you. It's probably because I'm tired, but sometimes having Natalia so separated from me pulls harder than other times. It's weird. They start out you, then inside you, then out of you but still attached to you most of the time, but then they spend the rest of their lives detaching themselves. I know that is what I am working towards, but sometimes it is a harder tension than others. I feel those brief moments of closeness that only a parent can know and it kind of hurts. Anyway, back to Christmas.

Forgive me as my mind wanders through this blog. There have been a lot of less than ideal amounts of sleep lately and I just finished an ER shift. I still have a couple of gifts to wrap since it is Christmas Eve and there are stockings to stuff. Tomorrow I get to shut off the rest of the world and just be with my favorite people, playing Rock Band and watching "It's a Wonderful Life". They are the ones who think I'm pretty in my pj's, the one's who make my life a joy and who treat me like I am the best gift ever. God's grace and love are never more apparent than when we are together. It's tangible, palpable and I love it. Merry Christmas.