Sleeping is Overrated Anyway

Sometimes you just kind of wake up in your own life. Case in point: My girlfriend Lindsey is six months pregnant and was blogging about having the realization that she was going to be a mother while driving to work. No, she isn't someone who is going to have her baby in a toilet thinking she really needed to take a duke, it's just that sometimes things take time to really sink in. I recently woke up to the fact that Natalia is a little insomniac. It kind of sucks and I have been Ferberizing that kid since day one. When in doubt, blame the other parent's genetics. Jeremy has horrible insomnia problems.

Natalia's pediatrician has been "politely in a judg-y way" reminding me that Natalia is overdue for a physical by a year and a half, so we finally took her in last week. Honestly, I wouldn't have done it if she wasn't having extra horrible sleep stuff problems. Seriously - you are billing my insurance hundreds of dollars to weigh my child and tell her to drink more milk. It's silly. Don't get me wrong, I really like Natalia's pediatrician, I just think doctors are a little overused sometimes. So as I bring up the subject of Natalia's sleeping patterns and I am really listening to myself I realize my kid has NEVER REALLY SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT. Dammit. All that Ferber reading and preaching and I still got the short end of the stick. Guess who's awake now?

Here's how it goes: Natalia goes to bed and we have a normal bedtime ritual. She'll be asleep until around midnight or so, then she'll wake up with a few things 1. Leg pains (growing pains) 2. thirst (we now keep water at her bedside) 3. bathroom (scary at night by herself) 4. sleep running. That's right.... running. Why walk when you could run into the next room while mom is watching a scary movie and scare the bejesus out of her? This is usually accompanied by incoherent mumbling and the sad clown face. Word of advice - don't ever wake up the sleep runner. They freak out and you cannot get them back to sleep for hours and possibly a dose of Benadryl.

Okay, so I return her to bed, subconsciously tell her to return to her paralytic stage of sleep and exit the room. What happens next? She wakes up for real usually because of options 1-3. Those are addressed, she gets anxious about no longer feeling tired and comes in my room every 20 minutes for the next three to four hours until I tell her that I am about to lock my door and she can sleep on the sofa for all I care.

We have had the discussion that her sleep (or lack thereof) is her problem, not mine. I was relieved to hear her pediatrician back me up on this one, which is why I like her so much. I have been coaching that beautiful child for a week during the daylight hours on what to do when she wakes up at night. I even had her go to her desk and write out some ideas of her own and draw pictures. Yeah, yeah - very cheese ball, but I was also trying to make dinner. I'll tell you what: I have fantasized about those "Mommy Dearest" posey restraints to keep her in bed at 3am when she is waking me up for the sixth time.

See, the thing she has on Jeremy and I is that she's an only child and we have nothing to compare her with. We just assumed all children sleep like breastfeeding infants. Granted, it's exceptionally bad right now for some reason and I know it will get better. Yes, I have gone all psycho-babble on her about stress, then all nurse on her with her itchy eczema and leg pain, now I am going all super nanny on her and just laying down some ground rules because I think she is taking Jeremy and I for a ride.

I am not kidding... She just walked into the living room right now babbling on and sleepwalking (not running at least) and I walked her back to bed. See I told you.

Well, I guess sleeping is overrated and a small price to pay for being a mom of a fabulous daughter. Besides, She stays at Jeremy's parent's house the nights I work and I get uninterrupted sleep then, so I can't complain too much. Talk about being slow on the uptake though - I seriously just realized last week that it's probably not normal that my seven year old doesn't sleep through the night.