It is rare that I write two blogs in one week, let alone two in one day. I need to vent. Tonight I was a bad parent. My self control was tested by a seven year old and she bested me. Now don't worry - I didn't beat her or call her names. I did yell at her (which I hardly ever do) and I spanked her when she was doing this screaming freak out thing. Then as I held her tight while we stood in the middle of the kitchen, my mind came back to me and I put her to bed. What could cause such a outlandish scene of events? Uncut toe nails.
I believe that every kid has a vice. Something that invokes this irrational fear every time and you know that it is just going to be a battle. Natalia hates getting her toe nails cut. Think of it as her flavor of kryptonite. Jeremy will tell you it is because I cut them too short, but I leave her nails a little on the long side because of this very fear. I have to say that I love short nails. They are clean and neat looking and I usually cut mine shorter than I should. I also have a track record of bleeding dogs half to death with my skills, so I can see where Jeremy would get that idea. You would think he would be captain of the toe nail team. Nope. It still falls on me.
To make things worse, of all the features Natalia has gained from Jeremy, she has Lacow feet. Do you know many seven year old girls who have been told by a Pediatrician that she has bunions? Probably not. They aren't painful,just a little jacked up looking. Natalia's toenails are as crazy as her feet. Example: Her second toe nail curves over and scoops down back into the skin. I can regale you with how much fun it is to try and get the clippers under that bad boy just so I can trim a little off the top. It's a massive freak out for her. She hates to be messed with or picked at anyway, this just takes the cake.
The drama really started with me. What mother in her right mind would attempt this freaky feat (no pun intended) with a seven year old who hasn't eaten since 3pm and got home from the circus with her BFF at almost 11pm? Why I picked this moment is beyond me, but I was a mom on a mission. It turned out to be mission impossible.
First, there was the negotiating, then the distraction attempt, then the tears, more negotiating, more tears, then a screaming match between she and I in the middle of the kitchen. It's a good thing I decided earlier to open all the windows to let the house air out. I'm surprised the police didn't come by to see what all the screaming was about. Even the dog stayed in the other room. He's not as dumb as I thought.
While we are on the subject of who gave which genetic trait, I can tell you that Natalia has my temper. That's why when we both get fired up at the same time it gets stupid. It's not so bad if Jeremy is here to referee, but tonight he was already at work. I know people at work know me as a relatively even and calm person, especially under pressure, but I have a temper and it's ugly. I feel the need to add that having a temper and being abusive are two different things. I may have a temper, but I'm not a tool. I think the catalyst is that she and I are just so much alike in personality that when we clash, it is note worthy. We are both stubborn, always right, emotional, independent and just the right touch of drama to cause a downward spiral.
Finally I got a grip when I watched her crawling like a wild animal from one level of the kitchen counter to the other trying to get away from me so she could attempt to cut her own toe nails. I was afraid she would fall and get hurt because she was so out of control. That would be a great story for the ER. "She fell off the counter while she was throwing a tantrum because she wouldn't let me cut her toe nails". Right lady. When I caught her up in my arms, I set her down and gave her a good spanking on her juicy little cheek. I only use spankings as reset buttons for her. It's a startle to get her out of her immediate freak out and we rarely have to resort to this. I immediately wrapped my arms around her and just held her while we stood in the middle of the kitchen. She was still screaming at me at this point, but at least she was being still. I told her we both needed some "two time" and I scooped her up and brought her to the mommy chair.
She feels so bad and not just because her punishment is sleeping in her own bed tonight and no playdate on Monday. She feels terrible because she thinks I take what she says to heart. When she gets ampped up like this she will worry and fret all night long. Hate me for whatever, but I gave her a small dose of Benadryl to calm her down and help her get some rest. I spent the rest of the evening wiping her tears away and reassuring her that nothing she says hurts my feelings. I understand she doesn't mean any of what is spewing out of her mouth and besides, I'm the Mommy. She could slaughter a compound of baby seals for the sake of watching them die and I would still love her. I would also put her directly into therapy.
Tonight I am a bad mommy because I didn't listen to my inner mommy. The one who tells you your child is too close to the edge right before she falls, the one who looks at your daughter's date and screams "DON'T YOU LET HER GO WITH THAT", the one who said to me "she's tired, wound up, and just ate sugar. Are ya really gonna go there now? Good luck with that". Inner mommy was right.
Toe nails. It all started with Toe nails and they are still uncut.
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