Time-Outs For Everyone

It's no shocker that I think my daughter is exceptionally cute and funny. She imparted her seven year old wisdom on me last night while I was contributing to her nightly bedtime routine. She had thrown a very emotional tantrum that was exacerbated by me trying to talk to her. Of course, I gave up the talking part and had Jeremy get her ready for bed because I am a total coward and just couldn't effectively manage her drama for another second. This was her wisdom that she gifted me when I went to tuck her in: "Mommy, sometimes when I get mad, all I can hear is 'blah, blah, blah' and it makes me more frustrated. I need some time without any talking, but I didn't know how to say it because of you still doing the 'blah, blah, blah'." My response was "Okay, let's think of a code word for you to use so I know you need some quiet time and we'll talk again later." She came up with "Two Time", because she said she needs two minutes of silence. I am totally going to steal that idea from her because it is brilliant.

How many times in my day do I wish I could just tell someone "I need Two Time, please" so they would stop with the blah, blah, blah. I am a big fan of putting myself in time-out when I feel like I am losing my cool and about to do or say something I will regret. Granted, I don't always take this sage advice, but I try. Hey, even moms need a time-out to rethink our attitudes.

Now I would like to think that I am a more eloquent speaker than "blah, blah, blah", but then I need to consider my audience. A tired seven year old is not the ideal demographic for an inspiring lecture of the day regarding how she needs to evaluate if Shayley is really a good friend when she makes up a tattle about Natalia to tell the teacher. My goal was for her to understand that the people we surround ourselves with have a profound effect on our lives, but she was tired and getting over some sort of respiratory funk. Bottom line - she wasn't in the mood for a lecture and needed some "Two Time".

One of my (many) fears about being a good mother is that Natalia won't feel like she can confide in me and I'll get shut out of her inner Natalia. I don't want to be one of those parents who says "Not MY child! She would NEVER do that!" I see parents who are blown away by some of the things their kid does because they have lost touch with who their kid really is. I am not so delusional that I don't know nagging my child will not make her eager to open up to me about friends and drama. There will be times when she will ask for my advice and decide upon hearing it that I am a total idiot who has no clue about anything. I assume this will be when she learns to properly use mascara and no longer sings princess songs. Some of my best childhood memories are when I would sit on the end of my mom's bed and pour my heart out. She even managed to keep her cool when I told her I was thinking of doing the hippity-dippity with my boyfriend. I was 15, she laid out some good advice, I kept my 'V' card for a few more years and never regretted my choice. What is amazing is she never asked me after that what I had decided.

In the meantime, I have a few more years before the talks get that heavy. I have time to perfect my "blah, blah, blah" into something that is a little more non-naggish. Besides, if my child at seven can articulate that she needs a time-out to gather her thoughts and cool her drama, I think she's smart enough to figure some things out on her own. All moms understand the feeling of watching your child struggle while your chest tightens up and you hold your breath. It is a physical embodiment of trying to reign in all that emotion of wanting to help and fix. All she really needs is "Two Time" so she can get it together on her own.